LOTR Holiday Carols

Carols of Arda

4. Nuzgûl for Christmas

   
I forced a marriage on an Elf;
Somebody snitched on me.
Went with the Fellowship myself;
Somebody snitched on me.
I wrote farfetched A/L slash;
Took part in a Boromir bash;
Scorned the canon - worthless trash!
Somebody snitched on me.

(Refrain) Oh, I’m gettin’ Nuzgûl for Christmas—
My fellow authors are mad.
I’m gettin’ Nuzgûl for Christmas
‘Cause my work ain’t been nuttin’ but bad.

I fell in love with Legolas;
Somebody snitched on me.
I posted ill-spelled, hackneyed dross;
Somebody snitched on me.
Said an Elf fell from a tree;
Went with Frodo and skipped Bree;
Claimed there’s more than one Gofi;
Somebody snitched on me.

(Refrain) So I’m gettin’ Nuzgûl for Christmas—
My fellow authors are mad.
I’m gettin’ Nuzgûl for Christmas
‘Cause my work ain’t been nuttin’ but bad.

So you better write good, whatever you do,
‘Cause if you don't, I’m warning you,
You’ll get Nuzgûl for Christmas!

<><><><><>



Original text:
I broke my bat on Johnny's head;
Somebody snitched on me.
I hid a frog in sister's bed;
Somebody snitched on me.
I spilled some ink on Mommy's rug,
I made Tommy eat a bug,
Bought some gum with a penny slug;
Somebody snitched on me.

(Refrain) Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas.
Mommy and Daddy are mad.
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas
'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

I put a tack on teacher's chair;
Somebody snitched on me.
I tied a knot in Susie's hair;
Somebody snitched on me.
I did a dance on Mommy's plants,
Climbed a tree and tore my pants,
Filled the sugar bowl with ants;
Somebody snitched on me.

(Refrain) So I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas.
Mommy and Daddy are mad.
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas
'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

So you better be good, whatever you do,
'Cause if you're bad I'm warning you,
You'll get nuttin' for Christmas!

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

   

In Challenges

Story Information

Author: Aerlinnel

Status: General

Completion: Complete

Rating: General

Last Updated: 12/16/02

Original Post: 12/11/02

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