Knights of the King's Stables
1. Knights of the King's Stables
[A golden-thatched city upon a hill]
[Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, and Gandalf rein in their horses and look up with awe]
Legolas (excited): Edoras! Aragorn (awed): Edoras!
Gandalf (profoundly): Edoras.
Gimli (under breath): It's only a set...
Duh duh duh duh! [cut to view of nameless Rohirrim dancing atop tables, some of them obviously women with fakes beards]
Oh we're knights of the king's stables
And ride when'er we're able
To the silver screen, we sing and scream
And ride PJ's coat tails
We sleep well out in the car lot
With our mounts and gear and camerahhhs.
We're knights of the king's stables
Our stunts are formidable,
But Hollywood demands some goods
Of which we're in-cap-able.
We're CG mad in Wetalot.
We are motion-captured quite alot.
[Gríma, hanging by his thumbs from a dungeon wall, claps in time to the rhythm]
[In Meduseld, women in armor, wearing fake beards, singing, doing the can-can over the caterer's canapes]
Stunt riders tough and able,
We've got the beards
to shake our spears
at those emasculable
It's a busy life in Edoras
Éowyn-as-Dernhelm, in a strained baritone: Red dawns are still ahead of us!
Duh duh duh duh duh duuuh, da da da da DA! *ching*
Gandalf: No, on second thought, let's not go to Edoras. It is a silly place.
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.