Henneth Annûn Story Archive

For those of you with too much time on their hands: By popular demand (OK, maybe one or two people ), here are some "deleted scenes" from Fallen, my Houses of Healing/OC WiP. Because I need a break from writing relentless Ring-War angst, and I'm sure we all need a break from reading it, too. Warning: A lot of these will probably include sex, violence, foul language, and hardcore substance abuse. Yes. Hardcore substance abuse. I mean, how else are you gonna have fun in Minas Tirith?

 

Outtake 1: Preparing for War Cut from: Chapter 1 (“Greater Need”) Reason: I realized that the stopwatches would be anachronistic. And they can’t use sundials instead because it’s just too dark, dammit. Recommended music: “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” by They Might be Giants. For all you folks who like to think of Minas Tirith as a Byzantine kinda place. The scene: Night. A dim corridor in the Houses of Healing, illuminated only by flickering torchlight. The Warden of the Houses stands quietly in the hall, a stopwatch in one hand. Suddenly he presses a button on the stopwatch and springs into action, throwing open doors and shouting into them. Warden: Get up! Get up! We’re under attack! Mordor has come! What do you do?! What do you do?! Go! Go! Go! (etc, etc for several minutes) Mass chaos ensues as panicked House workers run out of the rooms, knocking things over, grabbing equipment, running into one another. Warden: Go! Go! Emergency positions! Now! Bergil: I left my pet hamster! Warden: It’s too late! You’re hamster’s dead! Go! Narrator: I can’t find my shoes! Finally, the House workers are all standing in some semblance of a line in the corridor. Everyone is breathing hard and looking tense. The Warden stops his watch. The music cuts out abruptly. Bergil: How did we do? Warden: Four minutes, eighteen seconds. If an army of bloodthirsty orcs had really breached the Sixth Circle, we’d all be dead by now. (Sighs) Go back to bed. Grumbling, the workers start shuffling back to their rooms. Narrator: My feet hurt. Valacar: Wouldn’t we all be dead, anyway? Warden: That’s not the point of the drill. Valacar: I need a beer. END SCENE Apologies to Wes Anderson (“The Royal Tenenbaums”)

 

Outtake 2: Insurance Cut from: Chapter 2 (“Rations”) The reason: In the end, I felt it took too much momentum away from the main storyline in this chapter. The scene: The dispensary. Elloth is sitting at the counter, reading The Wall Street Journal. The Narrator rushes in. Narrator: Elloth! Quick! I need a whole bunch of poppy in order to help a wounded soldier die a slightly less horrifically painful death! Elloth: What insurance plan is he on? Narrator: What?? Elloth: I said, what insurance does he have? It makes a difference. If a state employee is on TirithCare™, then he’s eligible for prescription medication with a total cost of— Narrator: Elloth, just give me the goddamn poppy, all right? Elloth: No, hang on, as a health care employee, it’s really important that you know this. Now, on the other hand, if the state worker is on TirithAid™, that’s a whole different scenario, because of the new subsidy bill that was passed last month, and… Narrator: Elloth!! Opiates!! Now!! Elloth: Hang on, hang on. Yeesh. Has anyone ever told you that you could really use some Ritalin or something? Narrator: Ritalin?! The last thing I need is Ritalin! Now will you just… Elloth rattles the pages of The Wall Street Journal. Narrator: (pause) Wait. So what insurance plan are we on? Elloth: (puts down her Wall Street Journal) Now, that’s an entirely different matter, because we’re employees of the Houses. You see, the way it works, is— Valacar enters the dispensary. Valacar: What on earth is taking so long?! We need that poppy now! Narrator: Hold on, hold on. Elloth is explaining my health care benefits to me. Valacar: Health care benefits?! What health care benefits?! You mean, the ones that say they can try to reattach your head when a surgeon cuts it off after you haven’t gotten the drugs he’s asked for because you’re too busy reading the fucking Economist?! Narrator: Wall Street Journal! Elloth: Whoa. You need a chill pill, man. Valacar: (sighs) Actually, I need a gin and tonic. (Turns to go) Hold the tonic. (Exits) Elloth: Actually I don’t think we have any gin in this dispensary. END SCENE Coming Soon: Rejected Middle-earth Pickup lines. Oily!Unconscious!Faramir.

 

Mwahahaha! Wonderful! Goodness, it's late, I can't form a more coherent response. But these are hilarious. And I'm pleased to see Valacar's characterization turning alcoholic - mwahaha! AH! And finally we get to see some Oiled!Unconscious!Nekkid?!Faramir! *snork* Well done, well well done. And perhaps I shall steal the idea. Remember, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and we're all fanfic writers anyway, so respecting original sources is just out the window. Again: Aeneid

 

And I'm pleased to see Valacar's characterization turning alcoholic - mwahaha! Yeah. He's got a homemade still in his room. Though under those working conditions, I think anyone would be tempted to drink themselves to oblivion. And perhaps I shall steal the idea. By all means, please do! I'd love to see some Adraefan outtakes. Ali

 

Inspired by Aeneid's wonderful Story Trailers forum, where the "real" movie trailer for "Fallen" can also incidentally be found. But I think this one is better. ********** Music: The beginning of “The Steward of Gondor” by Howard Shore. Wide shot of Minas Tirith against a darkened sky. The horrific cries of the Nazgul echo in the background. V.O., narrator: (And no, not the character Narrator, but rather that generic male narrator who does the voiceovers for every single movie trailer ever made… Wow, I’m really making this confusing for myself.) The world of Men stands on the brink of destruction… Flashes: Soaring Nazgul. Soldiers massing for battle. V.O., male narrator: The fate of Middle-Earth hangs in the balance… More flashes: Armies of grotesque orcs. Enormous siege engines outside the walls of Minas Tirith. V.O., narrator: Now, the courage of one City must hold the evil of Mordor at bay… The soundtrack music cuts out abruptly. A ward in the Houses of Healing. A young woman in a healer’s uniform (the actual Narrator) is jumping up and down on a sickbed with a hairbrush in one hand, singing along to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” Really, really out of tune. Enter the Warden of the Houses. The Warden: What are you doing?! Narrator: (stops) Um. Nothing. (Puts hairbrush behind her back.) Begin music: “Instant Pleasure” by Rufus Wainwright. V.O., male narrator: Meet the Narrator… The main ward. The Narrator is giving stitches to some unfortunate wounded soul. Narrator: I have a fascinating interior monologue! Would you like to hear it? Her patient: Uuuuh… V.O., male narrator: …Laeron… Flashes: Laeron, a surgical apprentice, repeatedly dropping various objects: bandages, books, scalpels… Laeron: Goddammit! Laeron: Shit!! Laeron: Fuck it!! An operating room. Laeron is standing over a patient. Laeron: (to himself, breathing hard) Okay…I can do this… V.O., male narrator: …Elloth… The dispensary. Elloth, an attractive young female herbalist, is shaking a vial. Elloth: (Singing) Opiates…who wants opiates?! V.O., male narrator: …Valacar… An operating room. Valacar, a surgeon, is drinking a martini. The Warden: Will you please get some help?! Valacar: (swirling his glass) For the last time, I am not an alcoholic. The Warden: It’s nine in the morning!! Valacar: So? Everyone needs a little pick-me-up sometimes… V.O., male narrator: …and Beren, the soldier-guy. A Sixth Circle courtyard. Beren, a young soldier, is doing thrusts and feints with his broadsword. Beren: Yeah, baby! I got your homeland defense force right here!! He loses his grip on his weapon, which promptly goes flying off-camera. A groan can be heard in the background. Beren: I mean… He slinks away, whistling. V.O., male narrator: It’s the Siege of Minas Tirith…the fate of the White City rests in their hands… The main ward. The Warden is looking positively haggard. The Warden: (to the Narrator) Please…kill me, now! Narrator: Hmmm… I’m kind of busy right now. Can I pencil you in for sometime next Tuesday? A black screen. We hear what can only be the Warden giving a scream of dismay and frustration. V.O., male narrator: Valar help us all… Fallen. Now playing in HASA Beta.

 

Hey Ali, Another gem! This was hilarious! Flashes: Laeron, a surgical apprentice, repeatedly dropping various objects: bandages, books, scalpels… Laeron: Goddammit! Laeron: Shit!! Laeron: Fuck it!! LOL! Beren: Yeah, baby! I got your homeland defense force right here!! Aaah, this was wonderful. And I like Rufus Wainwright, so it's nice to see him present. Wonderful, wonderful stuff. Aeneid

 

Umm, ah, Ali, now that you're back..... Hands on hips, spikey-heeled toe tapping impatiently - So, whatever happened to Oily!Unconscious!Faramir! ??? We are still waiting for some action on that front.! So to speak. Ann

 

Count me in on that action! You can never have too much fun with an Oily! Unconscious!Faramir! - everyone should have one. Raksha the Demon, who is having fun with Oily!Unconscious!Faramir!in her as-yet-unseen fic. For an unconscious fella, he's very talkative.

 

Okay, you guys are right...this has been way, way too long in coming. Oh, and Raksha, tell me when your fic comes out, too. ***** Outtake 3: Oily!Unconscious!You-Know-Who! Cut from: Somewhere in between Chapter 3 ("Kindness") and Chapter 4 ("One of Us"). Reason: I got...umm...distracted? Note: Unlike the previous Outtakes, this one is written in prose rather than script-form so as to be more...um...atmospheric. Or something like that. "'Twas said," I whispered to Elloth, "that the Lord Faramir was brought to our Houses by none other than Mithrandir, himself." "Huh? What was that?" the other girl asked. She had been staring at the inert form of our Steward's second son as he lay on the bed in a private room off the south ward. "Never mind," I said, for now I was staring, myself. Faramir's skin, tanned, doubtlessly, from countless months spent tramping about in the Ithilien sunshine, glistened with moisture. This accentuated his delicate eyelids, distinguished Gondorian cheekbones, and pouty-yet-manly lips, which were open ever so slightly as he slept, making this warrior look surprisingly yet endearingly vulnerable. "Um...Elloth?" I whispered. "Why is the Lord Faramir totally covered in oil?" "I don't know," Elloth said, still not taking her eyes off of him. "But I like it." For once, I was forced to agree with her. The liquid had also soaked every inch of his plain yet well-tailored clothing. His white shirt, which was already loosened at the neck, had been rendered semi-transparent, and the drenched fabric clung artfully to his lean yet well-muscled arms and torso, sculpting itself to the strong curve of his biceps and the rise and fall of his chest as he drew in breath after slow breath. "Well," I said, "we had better get him out of those oily clothes, huh?" "Yeah," said Elloth. "Out of clothes...sounds like a good idea." She looked at me for the first time in several minutes. "You get the shirt, I'll get the pants." "Now, wait a minute," I bridled. "I'm the actual healer in this room...you're just a pharmacist wannabe. I know more about these things. Shouldn't I be handling the pants?" "Wait one more minute, little miss-know-it-all," Elloth replied. "I'm the one who's actually on ward shift right now. Shouldn't you be on chamberpot duty or something?" I rolled up my sleeves. "Oh, I'll put you on chamberpot duty..." "Why don't you go undress your little soldier boy-toy...whatshisface..." I looked over at Faramir again. His trousers were also clinging to his legs in a most fetching manner... I wondered what Captains wore under their breeches... "Elloth, who are you talking about?" "My point is, I should be getting the pants." "You are not!" I said, and gave her a shove. She responded by shoving me back, even harder. To this day I do not have a clear recollection of what ensued in those next minutes, but there may have been some hair-pulling, nail-scratching, and possibly some exclamations of "slut!" and "bitch!" "Girls!!" Suddenly, the Warden's voice rang out. I had my hands around Elloth's neck. She was pulling on a handful of my hair. "Girls!! What in the name of the Valar are you doing?!" "She started it!" we exclaimed in unison. "I don't care who started it! You're both on chamberpot duty for the next two hours!!" "But, Warden--" "Don't 'But Warden' me!! This sort of conduct is totally inexcusable, even when there is an unconscious, oily, beautiful Steward's son present! Have I made myself quite clear?" "Yes, Warden..." As we slunk out of the room, Elloth gave me one more shove. I shoved her back, this time hard enough so that she shrieked and collided with the opposite wall. That felt pretty good, but still not good enough to compensate for what had just happened. I gave one more backwards glance at Lord Faramir lying on the bed. Oh well, I thought. He might stay unconscious for a good while longer, for all we knew...

 

Finally! MWAHAHAHAHA! This made me laugh so, so hard. This accentuated his delicate eyelids, distinguished Gondorian cheekbones, and pouty-yet-manly lips, which were open ever so slightly as he slept, making this warrior look surprisingly yet endearingly vulnerable. Shameless! His white shirt, which was already loosened at the neck, had been rendered semi-transparent, and the drenched fabric clung artfully to his lean yet well-muscled arms and torso, sculpting itself to the strong curve of his biceps and the rise and fall of his chest as he drew in breath after slow breath. Honestly! His trousers were also clinging to his legs in a most fetching manner... Come on, now! And the one that would have made me spew, had I been drinking anything, but instead made me sputter: "Don't 'But Warden' me!! This sort of conduct is totally inexcusable, even when there is an unconscious, oily, beautiful Steward's son present! Have I made myself quite clear?" LOL! Perfect, just perfect. Aeneid

 

Oh boy. I think I'll run and take a nice hot shower. Is the Warden a pervy Faramir-fancier himself?! But where's Beregond, to guard Faramir from probable ravishment and definitely advantages taken? My own personal oily!Faramir is only minimally oily, because in my HoH, the nurses are professionals and don't indulge in catfights over unconscious hunky Captains. Either that or they had their way-er-fun with him and THEN removed most of the oil... RAKSHA THE DEMON

 

Oh. My. God. ! Ann (off to ravish the closest thing handy, which, fortunately, is her husband.)

 

Heh heh. Glad you ladies had fun reading that. I sure had fun writing it. Raksha wrote, Is the Warden a pervy Faramir-fancier himself?! Well, why do you think he wanted the girls out of the room, in the first place? But where's Beregond, to guard Faramir from probable ravishment and definitely advantages taken? I think that even the most stalwart city guard would hardly be a match for a couple of hellcats-in-heat-- er, I mean, lovely, demure young ladies. My own personal oily!Faramir is only minimally oily, because in my HoH, the nurses are professionals and don't indulge in catfights over unconscious hunky Captains. Either that or they had their way-er-fun with him and THEN removed most of the oil... Hmmm, that sounds good, too. A smart way to have your way--er, your fun with the Captain. In the Ali-verse, however, I'm sad to say that we've kissed any sort of professionalism goodbye. Cheers, Ali

 

Outtake 4: The Proposition Cut from: Chapter 3 ("Kindness") Reason: Umm...yeah. On the set of Fallen. The garden soundstage. Aliana is at work directing her characters. Aliana: Okay, in this next scene, the Creepy Guy is going to try to pick up the Narrator, but she won't have any of it. I haven't really written out any specific dialogue, but I thought you guys could just improv it or something. Sound good? Narrator: Sure. Creepy Guy: Cool. Aliana: Great! Positions, please... Lights, camera, action! Take 1 Creepy Guy: Hey, cutie-pie...wanna help me sheathe my broadsword? Aliana: Cut!! That's the best you can do?! Creepy Guy: Cut me some slack, here. You really put me on the spot! Aliana: Okay, fine. Let's try this again. Take 2 Creepy Guy: Hi, gorgeous. You can scale my battlements any time you want. Aliana: Argh!! Cut!! Narrator: I kinda liked that one... Take 3 Creepy Guy: Why, hello there, sugar. Wanna come ride my stallion? Aliana: Sweet Jesus!! You've got to be kidding me! Several hours later... Take 297 Creepy Guy: I see you're drinking 1% milk. Is that because you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could probably be drinking whole milk. Aliana: (throwing up her hands) Okay. That's it. I'm summarizing. Creepy Guy: Geez! Well, see if I ever say anything semi-coherent for you again... END SCENE **Apologies to Napoleon Dynamite for the milk thing. (Which is actually, in my opinion, the best. Pick-up line. Ever.)

 

*snorkle* Good one. The milk pick-up line was awesome, and I laughed very hard at Aliana the Director going, That's it. I'm summarizing. The plight of us fanfic authors, I tell ya! As an aside, I was actually thinking of a cheesy pick-up line the other day for my fic, which I didn't use, and then I was like, "Hey! I should tell Aliana so she can use it for that Creepy Guy!" But then I forgot it. Sorry. Aeneid

 

and I laughed very hard at Aliana the Director going, That's it. I'm summarizing. Yes-- that was the day that I learned that Less is often More. And that I still can't trust myself to write dialogue. As an aside, I was actually thinking of a cheesy pick-up line the other day for my fic, which I didn't use, and then I was like, "Hey! I should tell Aliana so she can use it for that Creepy Guy!" But then I forgot it. Sorry. Aaaaw, that's okay. I'm sure it was a good one. Ali

 

Outtake 5: The Narrator Cut from: Chapter 4 ("One of Us") Reason: There is such a thing as being too meta. Just a little. The scene: The northeast gardens of the Houses of Healing. Narrator: You'd better tell me your name, in case I see you again. Beren: Very well. But promise not to laugh. Narrator: Why would I laugh? Beren: Because it's "Beren." Narrator: That's a fine name. Beren: My mom read The Silmarillion a few too many times when she was pregnant with me. Now, what's your name? Narrator: It's "Narrator." Beren: No, seriously, what's your name? Narrator: I'm telling you, it's "Narrator." Beren: What the hell kind of name is that? Narrator: Well, unlike most people, I have the unique ability to recollect events in fully-formed prose passages. Beren: What? What are you talking about? Narrator: Like this: "What? What are you talking about?" Beren demanded, his blue eyes wide in confusion. All around us, the gardens were still, and gentle silence pervaded. I thought of the near-but-distant battles, and of the weariness that had seeped into the marrow of my bones, and I..." Beren: Oh, man... This is unreal... Narrator: Yeah, I guess I am a little bit off today. Usually I use a ton more surreal metaphors, and my imagery is generally much more overblown... Beren starts to back away. Beren: No...you! That's just so weird! Narrator: Ah, here we go... "That's just so weird!" he continued, his voice straining a semi-tone higher than normal. Battle-worn soldier though he was, he seemed suddenly lost and bewildered among these simple trees and flowers that were intended to aid the healing of the ill and the wounded, and I could only feel for him." Beren: Aaugh!! That's it!! I was going to ask you out, you know, but...man!! You are the weirdest person I have ever met in my entire life!! He exits. Narrator: "Swiftly he turned on his heel and walked from that place, with an utterance of...." (Pause) Hey, wait? You were going to ask me out? Why, that is so sweet of you! (Pause) But where would we go? All the restaurants are like, closed right now. (She shrugs) Oh well. END SCENE

 

Narrator: Well, unlike most people, I have the unique ability to recollect events in fully-formed prose passages. LOL! Yeah, that did cross my mind, like, "Gosh, she has great memory... But such is creative license." I don't think a realistic recollection would be very interesting to read. Like: "And then he told me his name, Beren, in the gardens. At least, I think it was in the gardens. It might have been inside, before I talked to Valacar. Oh, no, no, no, 'cuz I must have gone straight from getting the opium to Valacar, and... You know, I'm really quite hazy on this one." But where would we go? All the restaurants are like, closed right now. (She shrugs) Oh well. Hahaha! To be really metafic, you could have them rent FOTR. Or better yet, rent ROTK EE, and be like, "Aaaagh!!" Aeneid

 

LOL! Yeah, that did cross my mind, like, "Gosh, she has great memory... But such is creative license." I think there's a suspension of disbelief that's necessary in any story or novel that has a first-person narration. Things can get especially interesting if the narrator does not seem to be totally reliable. I haven't done too much "unreliable narrator" stuff up to this point, but I might later. I don't think a realistic recollection would be very interesting to read. Like: "And then he told me his name, Beren, in the gardens. At least, I think it was in the gardens. It might have been inside, before I talked to Valacar. Oh, no, no, no, 'cuz I must have gone straight from getting the opium to Valacar, and... You know, I'm really quite hazy on this one." *Snerk* That's true, too. To be really metafic, you could have them rent FOTR. Or better yet, rent ROTK EE, and be like, "Aaaagh!!" That would be "Aaaagh!!" indeed-- the ultimate horror movie for the Gondorian set. However, some guys probably like watching scary movies with their dates, in hope that the girl will cling to them in utter terror. Cheers, Ali

 

LOL!! TirithCare™ TirithAid™ Oh, Valar. That's hilarious. Poor Valacar. Send him over to my place and I'll make him a wicked gimlet and sortof wave the Rose's lime juice bottle over the gin. ~Thev

 

I looked over at Faramir again. His trousers were also clinging to his legs in a most fetching manner... I wondered what Captains wore under their breeches... Yes. So do I. This was hysterical. Love the over-the-top descriptions (a good parody goes a long way) and fandom cliches. Oh well, I thought. He might stay unconscious for a good while longer, for all we knew... **comforts the Mary Sue** There, there, Mary. ♥

 

Thanks, Thevina. Poor Valacar. Send him over to my place and I'll make him a wicked gimlet and sortof wave the Rose's lime juice bottle over the gin. LOL, you'd be his favorite person in the world. Good to see you on HASA again! Cheers, Ali

 

Cast list! Soundtrack! MWAHAHAHAHA! OK, so I thought since I enjoy this fic so much, I may as well share the music I listen to and the actors I envision with everyone else. Cast List OK, since I Valacar, he shall go first. Although I had originally envisioned him as a lanky guant-cheeked Alan Alda because of the immediate Hawkeye Pierce parallels, I have since come around and decided Liam Neeson is the man. Now, usually I post pics of the actor, but I must first say that while I have always enjoyed Liam Neeson's performances, I've never been fan enough to actually peruse his websites. After searching through them today, I must say that Mr. Neeson is a very silly, silly man. Or at least, he has done a staggering amount of very silly photo shoots (at the beach without pants! In the desert clad only in a blanket!). Here is an example, if only for research purposes. Needless to say, I had some trouble finding reasonably serious pics. But anyway... here's Valacar (1), having a pint in the local tavern (could it possibly be the Tree and Tower?! The Laughing Oliphaunt?!), probably drowning away his sorrows, as Minas Tirith citizens tend to do. And here's a very angsty and sad Valacar (2). What a nose! And here's young surgical apprentice Valacar (3), probably the day he met baby!Narrator. Next... he is a lovair, not a fahtair! Beren. Naturally, he needs to be hott. And who else has that sort of boyish-yet-worldly hottness than Ewan McGregor? (And no, I didn't intend for the Star Wars parallel). Well, Ewan's pics were much easier to find, and after getting derailed in my project for a few hours squeeing over his utter hottness, I managed to find some appropriately Minas Tirith/Fallen pics. Or cute ones at least. So, without further ado, here is Beren (1) looking... damn! And here's Beren (2) bearded, should the fic call for a bearded Beren. By the way, here's Cook, played by Sora Lella, an institution in Roman cooking/culture. Sora Lella rocks! Soundtrack Oh Baby, It's a Wild World - Cat Stevens. (Is that the correct title?) Anyway, this song has a nice, mellow rhythm and it's quite melancholy overall. Good for growing up very quickly, which Narrator is definitely doing. I'd probably envision this in a montage of all the Siege stuff, interspersed with the quieter moments. The Way Young Lovers Do - Jeff Buckley (from the Live at Sin-e album). Jeff Buckley is overall an outstanding musician that I've put on all of my LOTR fanfic soundtracks, and I definitely think this song in particular would work great as Beren and Narrator's theme. It's kind of a haunting, soulful (without being cheesy) love song with a very reminiscent quality. The Beautiful Occupation - Travis. Again, this might be a bit too upbeat for this generally serious fic, but the lyrics work quite well. Again, I tend to imagine this with a montage of all the stressful HOH chaos, and then the chaos down on the Pelennor. Of course, if anyone wants these, I'll gladly send them along via e-mail. /end spammage Aeneid Edit: Agh! Apparently the Ewan website people are stingy with their pics, and so I've replaced them with pics from other, more generous websites.

 

Yeah! Spam! Cast List: Thanks for the pretty pictures! (Is there an emoticon for "drool"?) Liam Neeson especially seems to look good in black and white and more muted colors, doesn't he? And you're right, he does have a very striking and distinguished nose. If I were casting the story as a film, I would definitely require Valacar to be played by a wonderful English or Irish actor (just my provincial ideas about being "distinguished" I suppose ) and so Liam totally fits the bill. Re: the pic with the chain mail--what in the name of the Valar is he doing? And Ewan is just...mmm... You're right, there is kind of a Star Wars parallel going on, isn't there? (Let me just say that if I were Padme in Attack of the Clones, I would totally go for Obi-Wan instead...Anakin is just such a whiny little--nevermind. ) Ooh, and a picture for the Cook, too! Sora Lella looks like a very "homey" lady whom you wouldn't want to mess with! Soundtrack: Awesome! Like you said, it's very, very cool to find out what kind of music people associate with a story. I was actually (surprisingly) able to get all three from my school's music file program--can't wait to have a listen! Thanks a bunch! Yay for spammage! Cheers, Ali

 

Hey Ali, If I were casting the story as a film, I would definitely require Valacar to be played by a wonderful English or Irish actor (just my provincial ideas about being "distinguished" I suppose ) and so Liam totally fits the bill. Exactly! I have a completely unwarranted adoration of all things British, and I think it's just that on some subconscious level I equate the British accent with authority and dignity. Or just awesomeness. But Liam Neeson has a lovely accent, and also a lovely way of acting - like a sort of sympathetic-yet-firm mentor (Qui-Gon Jinn, Leo's dad in Gangs of New York, Orli's dad in Kingdom of Heaven...). Just like Valacar! Lovely. Re: the pic with the chain mail--what in the name of the Valar is he doing? All I can say is go to that Liam Neeson fansite and click gallery and then magazine or print pics. You will laugh and laugh... Brief tangent re: Star Wars. I agree. I think Anakin drugged Padme or did that wavy-hand Jedi mind trick, because no girl in her right mind would pick yucky old robot Anakin to stud-muffin (yet wise and learned) Obi-Wan. And short-haired, grey-templed Obi-Wan?! *squee* Sora Lella looks like a very "homey" lady whom you wouldn't want to mess with! Yeah, she was awesome. I think she died recently, I'm not sure. But she's in a bunch of movies by Carlo Verdone and Cristian De Sicca, very "Roman" pop culture icons. She's hilarious - and she always played the loud, belligerant Roman grandmother who force-fed her children huge plates of pasta. I think in RL Sora Lella opened a restaurant on the Tiber island (erm, I forgot what that island's called) that's considered quite good. But yeah, you don't mess with her. I was actually (surprisingly) able to get all three from my school's music file program--can't wait to have a listen! Oh, grrr, you're one of those people! I've heard of this thing about filesharing within universities. Evil, evil. If only because not all universities do it. While you're at it though, I'd probably DL Jeff Buckley's "Dink's Song" (from the same album as the other song), as that's also another good Narrator and Beren song. Aeneid

 

These are just getting more and more obscure, aren't they? Outtake 6: Manfred Cut from: Eh...doesn't really matter. Reason: Do hamsters count as breaches of canon? The scene: A corridor in the Houses of Healing. The narrator is holding her hands close to her face and whispering. Valacar walks by, stops, and stares at her. Narrator: (Stops whispering and looks up from her hands) Oh, hi, Valacar! Valacar: Um...hi. Narrator: I was just talking to Manfred. Valacar: Manfred? Narrator: Aye, Manfred. He is my hamster. (She holds out an adorable hamster) Manfred, this is Valacar. Valacar: Well, that's very nice. (Reaches out and pats Manfred) Narrator: Manfred is my closest confidante. I tell him all of my most intimate secrets. Valacar: Oh. Well, that's...that's very nice, too. I should be going... Narrator: (ignoring him) He was once the hamster of the Lord Boromir, but he entrusted me with Manfred's safekeeping ere he departed. Valacar: (Does not know how to respond to this) Narrator: For Manfred is a very long-lived rodent, you see; he is the president of the Association of Dunedain Hamsters. Of which Thorongil is the recording secretary. Valacar: (begins to back away slowly) Oh...uh...is that so? Narrator: What's that, Manfred? (Pause) Why, yes, he is rather attractive, isn't he? Valacar, Manfred thinks that-- (Looks around. Valacar has fled) Valacar? (shrugs) Oh well. So, as I was saying, Manfred, I wasn't endorsing full-scale postmodernism in architecture, but I do think that there is a certain.... End scene (Inspired by an IM conversation with Aeneid, and a subsequent post in her Livejournal)

 

 

AH!! Hamster confidantes! Lord Boromir's Dunedain hamster! ROFL!! Awesome. Aeneid

 

The scene: A moderately messy double in a college house. Aliana is sitting at her desk, typing away at a laptop, occasionally pausing to scratch her head in perplexity. A young grey-eyed woman in a Gondorian Houses of Healing uniform walks in. Narrator: Yo! Aliana: (jumps about ten feet) Augh! (Turns around and looks) Jesus Christ! What are you doing here? Narrator: (crosses her arms) I could ask you the same. Aliana: It is my room, you know. Narrator: Why aren’t you writing about me anymore, huh? It’s been like, two months! And furthermore, who’s this “Jesus” character everyone keeps talking about? Aliana: Okay, first of all, I’m like, totally busy right now. (pause) And the Jesus thing is…well, it’s kind of a long story. I’m not really an expert. Narrator: (walks over to the desk) What are you working on now, huh? Is that the next chapter? Aliana: Well, no… (brightly) Actually, it’s a detailed analysis of the linguistic tensions and paradoxes inherent in views of nature in prelapsarian Eden in Milton’s Paradise Lost. Right now I’m talking about Eve’s embedded lyric, and what this tells the reader about perceptions of— Narrator: (yawns) Why are you so boring all the time? Aliana: Why are you so boring? With you it’s all like—(whiny voice)—“Ooooh, lookit me, I’m sooo angsty!! I miss my Mom!! Oooh, woe is me…” Narrator: Okay, first of all, you wrote me that way. And what do you think about all the time? I bet you spend all your time thinking about Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and…(looks around) that ratty looking guy whose picture you’ve got on your wall. Aliana: (stands up) Okay, little miss no-name, that is Johnny Depp. You will not refer to Johnny Depp as “ratty”!! Under no circumstances!! Understand?? Narrator: Ooh, someone’s touchy today. Aliana: Look, just let me finish my paper, and then maybe I’ll get to work on— Narrator: Yeah, whatever. Aliana: You watch it, or I’ll…I’ll… Narrator: You’ll what? Aliana: I’ll sell you on eBay!! Narrator: No way! Aliana: Just watch me! (Sits down and types) W…W…W…dot…eBay…dot…com… Narrator: I don’t believe this. Aliana: I bet I could get five dollars for you! Then I could buy more chocolate! Narrator: You’re so lame! (Walks out and slams the door behind her) Aliana: Hm. I wonder if she’s coming back… (shrugs) Anyway… “In contrast to her husband, Eve’s descriptions of time in Eden are full of specific and subtle gradations; she speaks in lists rather than in pairs. Although it is true that she views multiple aspects of the garden…” END SCENE

 

Edoraslass: Ten dollars! Ten dollars! I can always use an OC whose life I can make a tragic, traumatic, heartbreaking living hell! That oughta scare her.

 

Aliana: (loudly) Here that, Narrator? Edoraslass will pay ten bucks for you, and then she'll make your life a tragic, traumatic, heartbreaking living hell! (A large, heavy book sails across the room and hits Aliana) Aliana: What the-- ow!! Narrator's voice: (from outside the room) I can do the same for you! Loser!!

 

My deepest sympathies for both of you. Now I know how lucky I am with my elves. They understand scholarly stuff - even if they don't understand policy analysis... But Lothy is sulking and my readers are beginning to threaten me. *sigh* I hope you get your paper done quickly and well! *offers chocolate to you and the narrator* Yours Juno

 

Edoraslass: Ten dollars! Ten dollars! I can always use an OC whose life I can make a tragic, traumatic, heartbreaking living hell! Allie: I challenge that! Twenty dollars, twenty!

 

BWAHAHA! At least your protagonist doesn't stumble in drunkenly at odd hours of the night, only to then fall asleep on your couch and spill whiskey all over it. I'll trade you Beefy for Valacar - and tell Narrator she's busy with the SUPER SECRET PROJECT (OF DOOM)! But yeah, my "To Beta" box has been sadly empty these days. Where's the HOH angst, eh? EH?! I want my HOH angst!! Aeneid

 

Allie: I challenge that! Twenty dollars, twenty! Edoraslass: Twenty-three dollars and forty-two cents, aaaaand...I will make her the mother of Grima's children.

 

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