13 Dec 04 7:10 PM
Reply To: 35479
Denethor did not try to leave, for once, and stroked her feathers his free hand, until she fell deeply into a dreamless sleep.
stroked her feathers with
his free hand
I like the hand-holding here as well.
I like Denethor as a visionary.
Denethor looked up over his eyebrows at her,
over or under? having a bit of trouble envisioning this one.
their hair tangling in the wind.
the Sea King’s arms wrapped her.
around her? the around isn't necessary, just wondering if its omission was intentional.
I am not entirely pleased with the conversation between Aiavale, Denethor, and Finduilas concerning Thorongil's ancestry-- Aiavale brings up the Oath, then later dismisses it as Arvedui's blustering.
I myself don't know the genealogies, so cannot offer any comment on that, but I found Aiavale's position to be inconsistent, as well as I could understand what was going on.
(reading again) She wants to be rid of him but thinks his claim is true? she thinks he seeks to fulfil the oath, but then dismisses the oath as bluster?
And then Finduilas's sudden resentment of Denethor's warmth toward Luinil doesn't quite ring true-- I think it would be more that her resentment had been growing as he escorted her home without asking, not speaking to her, and then the contrast of how warm he is to Luinil is what makes her annoyed-- but that didn't really come across. Perhaps I was still stuck in wondering about genealogies!
But, if you had a mind toward revising, that could be something to smooth over, as it just didn't strike me as up to par with many of the other excellent single-POV emotional scenes that make this fic the gem it is.
Well. Not that it's not obvious how Finduilas is feeling over Denethor (to everyone but herself, and of course him)....
I can't wait for his POV after this. Has he noticed how befuddled she has become? That should be juicy.
I like Halmir's confusion too. But I wasn't sure-- his first line to her, he just noticed she was a woman, yes, so he was simply asking why she was here, right? So, the second line, when he responds with such alarm-- does he think then that she is Arwen, or does he simply recognize her (wrongly) as being an Elf? I couldn't quite parse his response to her. Then again, I really don't understand his response to Thorongil either-- I don't know why the Lost should be so sour toward him, so obviously I'm missing something.
I like her visions of Denethor as a king. I like how much he 'feels' like Book-Faramir in so many places, with the stern (and badassed) but dreamy-visionary aware-of-one's-history-and-roots qualities.... But I digress.
I have done only a little work on Rohan of this era, of late, but I did want to say that your Morwen is eerily similar to the one I had been envisioning-- which is nothing if not handy, I must confess.
I like Luinil as well. I find myself almost wishing for her POV.
She probably understands more of what's going on than anyone else in the story.