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Discussing: steelsheen

steelsheen

There seems to be some truth to the idea that when we were asked "How Do I Love Thee?" my answer was "Carnally!"

I can see it here as well, though that was not the intent when I wrote it.

 

 

Re: steelsheen

There seems to be some truth to the idea that when we were asked "How Do I Love Thee?" my answer was "Carnally!"

I'm glad I wasn't drinking my coffee when I read this! *snork* Tho' there is much truth in what you say .

BTW Tay, I think we should dub you the HA high priestess of poetry. And not only did you post the form for this one, you gave us the pronounciation, which isn't all that easy for Welch!

I think you captured a strong image of her with those few words. That alone can't be easy, and to do it within the strictures of the verse form must have made it quite challenging. Well done IMO.

~Nessime


 

 

Re: steelsheen

I think you captured a strong image of her with those few words. That alone can't be easy, and to do it within the strictures of the verse form must have made it quite challenging. Well done IMO.

I'll definitely second that Tay "Steelsheen" always felt slightly cold and forbidding in a way, but you've managed to heat it up nicely!

 

 

Re: steelsheen

There seems to be some truth to the idea that when we were asked "How Do I Love Thee?" my answer was "Carnally!"

Heh! And, may I say it is a good answer? I really liked this one, Tay. Along with Finduilas' rondeau and Eomer/Lothiriel's poetry, this one goes with my favorite from you for this challenge. I was completely taken by your choice of words, and the image of this lady that they convey. What a powerful thing to say!

I'd like to know what was the greater challenge in writing this (I can think of many many difficult issues to deal with for this type of poem!), the one thing that was hardest to acomplish. Was it the A rhyme in the middle of the third line? I can just imagine the thrill when you saw that it was done and it expressed such a full thought. Very good job!

BTW Tay, I think we should dub you the HA high priestess of poetry.

Oh, definitely!

Starlight

 

 

Re: steelsheen

This is gorgeous. Lord, I'm so envious of y'all who can write poetry, and who can get so much into just a very few words - really powerful and visceral. Perfect images. Lovely.

 

 

Re: steelsheen

Tay’s Carnival of Carnal Poetry:

Well, now that I think back on it - I generally know I have a poem brewing if I have a single strong picture in my mind.

I started this challenge with ‘Jewel,’ based around the image of being pierced by Faramir’s arrow – if anything at all surprises me about the other poems, its that after that first image, I ever felt the inclination to go on!! (I'll just lie down here, someone get me some ice...)

It did seem to get a little out-of-hand -- when Finduilas poem to Denethor, ‘strength of love’ went through review – it got a decline (it currently is my record holder for number of declines) that said: In your summary you say that the love poem was from Finduilas to Denethor, but there is nothing in here that makes me think so. It sounds like it could be from any lady to her husband or lover… Also after a few times reading over it, the poem doesn't really seem much 'loving'. It sounds like Finduilas only wants Denethor to satisfy her bodily needs.

Well, the challenge did say to pick an aspect of love!!
Now the darn thing makes even me blush! But love comes to me with an urge to touch. Though it does not always mean sexually to me, I am happy to have the words translated that way. A love that is so strong it implies passion even when it is not specified – that seems a fine place for me, as a lover and as a poet!

I am now wondering if it is possible to use the sword and sheath images without invoking sex – in the ME culture, they are everyday items, and I am much taken with them in their various pictures, the images of strength, of always having your steel by your side – in my own arc, the image of The Blade' looms large… as does the Raven, suddenly having to be Gondor's Blade, "being drawn out of the dark.’

Does it always mean sex to you? Or just when I do it! (Ha!)

not so subtly yours….

 

 

Re: steelsheen

OK - more specifically about this poem, and process –

Julia: I think you captured a strong image of her with those few words.

Alawa: "Steelsheen" always felt slightly cold and forbidding

Starlight: I'd like to know what was the greater challenge in writing this… the one thing that was hardest to accomplish. Was it the A rhyme in the middle of the third line?…


I have a pretty obvious love for verse, which I think comes to me through music – I am always impressed by the structure of a good song, the way the words catch you up and carry you along, and you seldom think about the rhyme or structure unless you suddenly encounter the lyrics written down. The rhythm and rhyme make the thought easy to remember. I think Home is the closest I have ever gotten – it surprises me, but it demands to be remembered.

I often find that people who tell me they don’t like poetry can sing you hundreds and hundreds of songs – and sometimes they will say – oh, that’s not poetry! - Well then, I have seen many ‘poems’ that will never do to me what Dave Carter’s lyrics do.


So-- I am inclined to write short sharp bits, or single snapshots, or a showcase for a single line. (If I am lucky, three or four single lines) and poetry lends itself to not having a whole story or a plot, but having an overwhelming need to express a moment. And, I like to play with the media, so I know a bunch of different layouts. I get an idea, and I mumble lines aloud, and if the lines come to me in pairs, or triads, or with repeaters, I know I might have a poem brewing.

A single image is what makes it work in my brain, and the ‘work’ is how to get there.

I wanted to write more poems for How Do I, but the problem was, I didn’t have any feeling for the pairs that I was looking at. They were just names.

Then, I was thinking about the word “Lossarnach” and the steel-sheen picture became my image – it was the sound of the sword being drawn, the thought that when you hold the sword in your hand, who is the defender – the metal or the arm? My answer was – you must have both – and that spelled love poem to me.

Mythically, I love that song/sound of steel being drawn out of the scabbard.

I got the image of movie!Eowyn, here, actually – when she draws the sword and places her hand to the flat of the blade, and ends up rounding on Aragorn when he disturbs the moment between her and the steel. None of that is book cannon, but the image is great – and pro-cannon, Eowyn is supposed to resemble her grandmother, (perhaps more even in attitude than looks, though she is said to have her Numenorian Grey Eyes


I had trouble getting it to start, and then trouble not ending the lines on a word that left me no where to go – I had 4 or 5 couplets I liked that had no third rhyme that would work. It got a little better when my brain gave up needing the thought to end at the end of the line.

But I can answer your question unequivocally, Starlight – I wanted to put nine syllables in all the eight syllable lines, and it was almost impossible to use two rhymed words when they were only three syllables apart, and not sound forced.

When I changed “steel” for “shield” I felt the rush that tells me I am home – but it didn’t leave much room. “Revealed” spoke of a finished thought to me, and “unafraid” was the grace that shone into the line – using a word that used up all three syllables made it sound more natural in my mouth. But I was still missing my original image, and I only had two syllables to get there! Unsheathed had to sing the whole sword-song alone. But if it does, I am beyond pleased! It worked for me, but I already knew what it was supposed to say! Revealed needed to speak of the flash as the metal is drawn – and that what she was revealing was the keenness of her edge. On top of it all, I needed her not to be cold.

It was an interesting exercise. 46 words to capture my photo! (Yet Faramir-in-my-head snorted with laughter and reminded me that he thinks the two finest poems I have written to date are :

In the boat lay the Blade of Gondor, and he was broken.
and
The Raven’s wings are stronger than the night.


A million thanks for reading and leaving me trail markers! As to High Priestess... I think I will answer that in the verse forum!



 

 

Re: steelsheen

Just got back from being computerless-in-Montana for a while and logged on to find so many wonderful things to read. How to catch up? Where to start? Well, I thought I'd start small, so I looked at steelsheen. How beautiful! I especially loved the *sound* of the steel being drawn that you evoked in your images. The whole thing was really lovely and evocative.

flick

 

 

Re: steelsheen

I liked it very much too.
Now what I'm really interested in is that mantle thingy there. Hmm...and there's a Belfalas connection too. Was it deliberate?

 

 

Re: steelsheen

Welcome home, Flick! We missed your bright wit and words. Mayhem has erupted in the Limerick forum, if you want to start small!!

 

 

Re: steelsheen

Acacea: Now what I'm really interested in is that mantle thingy there. Hmm...and there's a Belfalas connection too. Was it deliberate?

I poured through Appendices/HoME hoping to find some bit about her that would give me a handle – and found that she was born in Belfalas.

The mantle is meant to be the fall of her black hair, creating her own “mantle of night.” (Since she is Eowyn’s gran, I thought I would play up that image.) Once I knew Morwen’s genetics, I knew I could give her “swan-feather white.” Black and white and grey – that’s what it took.

She was known as Morwen of Lossarnach, for she dwelt there; but she did not belong to the people of that land. Her father had re-moved thither, for love of its flowering vales, from Belfalas; he was a descendant of a former prince of that fief, and thus a kinsman of Prince Imrahil. His kinship with Éomer of Rohan, though distant, was recognized by Imrahil, and great friendship grew between them. Éomer wedded Imrahil's daughter [Lothíriel], and their son, Elfwine the Fair, had a striking likeness to his mother's father.

 

 

Re: steelsheen

The mantle is meant to be the fall of her black hair, creating her own “mantle of night.”

Oops! My error there. I think I have the other mantle permanently ingrained in my head!
But yes, the image that those words create is really quite wonderful

 

 

Re: steelsheen

Finally catching up a little with feedback.

Every time I read this - from very first time to my repeated readings now - my eyeballs just about somersault out of head as I am dragged pell-mell through the first two lines. I don't know if I can explain it better than that. It''s like the rush when you're daft enough to get on one of those giana slippery dips. As you can probably guess I love those first two lines. ;-) The last two also sang to me - but in a slower, calmer place. I see Movie!Eowyn in them - and Strider and all our fighters.

Lovely!

Avon

 

 

Re: steelsheen

Thanks, Avon. I not only appreciate your coments, but in light of some of the on-line discussions, it was nice to re-read this after putting it down awhile and not feel disappointed when I saw it again.

I love the way you express what you liked - so visceral, which is just what I hope a poem will give.

I, too see movie!Eowyn - her moment in her grans spotlight - in those last two lines. Aragorn is very foolhardy there to come between the girl and her steel...

 

 

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