22 Oct 03 2:37 AM
this was beautiful. You've captured well the essence of being divided between love for two different homes. I especially love the way you use the imagery of sea: waves in the green, stranded on alien ground, etc. It seems very fitting for Lothíriel, as I'm sure you intended, and also adds an extra level of lyrical beauty.
My favourite sentence:
Sometime my star falls, blazing, from the sky and lies trapped in the tidal pools, searching for shade and longing for the deeps.
Very poetic and impacting.
In the second part I felt the imagery of sea was less thorough, but this makes sense, as she's reunited with her family and the longing is now turned into a different direction, towards the plains and her husband.
It's lovely work.
03 Nov 03 12:20 AM
Reply To: 17567
I miss the smell of salt and water-weed and the clean, sweet taste of spray on your skin when you come to kiss me goodnight.
Taste and smell - and I'm there in my childhood of tidal river and nearby beaches.
You've captured homesickness beautifully without making it sad. She regrets what she has left behind - but not what she as gained.
As always I'm blown away by the way you use imagery -
At night the sighing of the surf sings a sweet lullaby
nor surging current of soft-scented green that billows all the way to its doors.
And this is just plain bloody beautiful:
I miss the curling, plunging froth of foam where you taught me courage and to trust myself. I will trust myself, and know that this is the current that flows through my life.
You will let me steal that when I finally decide to write the Great Australian Novel (not!), won't you? ;-)