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Discussing: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

Oh, I love these! "As soft as sighs, as hard as lies/As cold as underground" - that's gorgeous. They're both gorgeous. Wow. Love this. Hadda say so. No constructive criticism to give 'cause I can't see any flaws.

I want to put them on my website. Can you, like, submit these to the archive so I can at least link to them?

 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

Aiya ilya


The triolet is a form I have wanted to play with for awhile, but all the ones I had seen were humorous, and I somehow never considered how powerful it could be to stab that stiletto in over and over in eight little lines. You only get two rhymes, and you have five lines out of eight that are involved as repeaters!

I was sitting in the car yesterday while Jim ran into the store, and I thought about the black cat / green eyes thing – and what would seem attractive to someone as twisted as Beruthiel. So I scribbled down the lines
Your fur as dark as sorcery
Your eyes as green as poison

And I thought – how tough can this be? I only have to find three rhymes. But, I could not find any perfect rhymes and I was determined to have those two lines. I looked them up in my rhyming dictionary when I got home, and found that I had chosen 2 words that apparently DO NOT HAVE any perfect rhymes. (Jim suggested at this point that I use orange and silver at the ends of the other lines. I think he had had enough of listening to me murmuring aloud the day before until I had to admit there really is no good rhyme for Osgiliath.)

This form is deceptive – and very, very addicting! Try it and see!!

Shadow –
"As soft as sighs, as hard as lies/As cold as underground"
sometimes the words are a gift from somewhere else – this just came out in one burst. Perhaps a gift from the language fairies for trying to rhyme “Osgiliath.”


I do like the form of the triolets, and the subtle power of them, so it is probable I will submit them eventually. Right now, I am not at all happy with the line My secret, silent loved one and I will be bashing it about for awhile. I am open to any suggestions at all about where else I might take that phrase.

But in the meantime, feel free to post them, Or, I do have my stuff on a page at my very much under construction website, if you want to link to them there until they settle in here. Gryphonsmith

I am also having some thoughts about how verse goes through the review process and I may try to get some input on that before I try putting these through. I sent Anglachel in today, just because it is so different from the poem that already went through – I am trying to get a feel for what people are looking for as they review verse.







 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

Hi Tay!

Your site is now bookmarked!

I loved those lines about Queen Beruthiel's cats. Having always had cats in my life I can easily relate to the imagery.

Your work is teaching me more about the various poetic forms than I ever learned in school. I'm really glad you joined HASA and are sharing your talent with us.

Blessings and peace!
~Nessime

 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

Oh I loved these! they were really nice!
Your fur as dark as sorcery
Your eyes as green as poison
It's beautiful!

Your work is teaching me more about the various poetic forms than I ever learned in school
Me too! Me too!

Lovely stuff!

~acacia

 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur


Thanks! I am also a cat person, though I have only one at the moment, and I think he may actually be a very tiny buffalo. They give lots of scope for image - especially because sometimes we love them best because they are monsters!

Your work is teaching me more about the various poetic forms than I ever learned in school.

What a nice thing to say! Thanks so much. I have been so encouraged and befriended here that it is nice to feel that I may be able to pay my way a little.

But as to the verse forms – I am on the journey with you! I have been journaling and writing poetry for a long time, but I am really most comfortable with free or blank verse. But, I had always wanted to write a completed villanelle, and it was the Denethor challenge that got me there. Almost everything I have written out here at HASA is my first time playing with the forms.

I like the confinement of them at the moment, and I seem to be working my way down to shorter and shorter forms. The triolet has really grabbed my brain – you have to consider quite a lot before you commit to only eight lines (though really, I cheated and used the title Green Eyed Monsters to get an extra image/thought in)

I guess the haiku cannot be far behind, or perhaps the clerihew. I now have an image of myself working my way down to a single word, and then agonizing over whether or not it is cheating to give it a title.

-gaudete- (hmm. perhaps that is my real poem)

 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

Your work is teaching me more about the various poetic forms than I ever learned in school
Me too! Me too!


May I add myself to the list? I've learned so much from you, in many ways: since the "birth" of an idea, on to the process, and the final product... and, all the poetry forms you've introduced me to... and, of course, the Faramir talk... Thanks, very much, for sharing with us all!

 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

Hey, Tay, any chance you might have time to explain some of these verse forms to us? Or is there any references you might suggest? Being a child of the seventies I only wrote free verse all through primary school and while high school teachers did point out that that wasn't poetry they didn't actually teach us how to write anything else ;-) I'm not likely to start writing poetry in public these days but I'd love to play with some of the forms you're using, or at least feel competent to review them.

Avon

 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

starlight

I am learning as I go - I just can't stop! I think I said to you in my last email that when I made Faramir say - " I will never be tired of wanting to know" he was speaking for me. I am learing form and process by trying and I am so glad to be here! And Faramir talk is always a plus!

Hey, Tay, any chance you might have time to explain some of these verse forms to us? Or is there any references you might suggest?

Me? OK, Sure, why not! I am hardly an expert, but I really do enjoy the game of words. I also wrote free verse all throught the seventies (and embarrassingly, still keep finding it in old journals). I also wrote it through the sixties. In the fifties, I wrote things like - Jason and the Argonauts go to the Pet Store.

I use a bunch of different reference, and I also tracked verse forms down all across the web - I encountered many of them in my quest to find out if a sestina verifiably has a specified number of feet in a line – info I am still tracking down, by the way, so let me know where to look if you know!

I could set up a forum with a message for each form that gives the basics – that would give a place to leave questions and ideas and links, and for other people to open folders on the forms they do well that I shy away from – like the sonnet or the linnod – that sounds doable to me, especially since I would not have to do them all at once!

Any better suggestion for layout?

I am guessing what would be most helpful in the “intro” is the basic structure / pattern and perhaps an example?

And I am always willing to share by email – (just ask poor starlight about getting a “short note” from me!) so let me know if you have questions about a form, especially if you have seen me use it – I have been compiling the layouts in a notebook since I have been here.

I would also like to exchange ideas of reviewing verse and sending it for review, so maybe we could do that, too.

I will try to set something up tonight. I think I will call it Verse and Adversity....





 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

Sounds brilliant. Thank you.

Avon

 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

I will try to set something up tonight. I think I will call it Verse and Adversity....
Sounds like the perfect name for it! I'd love such a forum, because it would be easy for us to track specific forms and to clarify our doubts... Valar knows I have many!

And I am always willing to share by email – (just ask poor starlight about getting a “short note” from me!)
And, they're the best notes, too! Full of information and interesting details. I'm still musing about the last one... lots of things to ponder about!

 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

I have set up a forum, and I put up the Triolet first because it is short and easy to explain. Please let me know if this is a good layout, and if it works I will add the next -

Please also let me know if there is something you want to see next- otherwise, I will probably go for the villanelle.





 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

Hi Tay

Just adding my thanks again for introducing me to all these forms I'd never really thought about before. It's been most inspiring!

I thought your post about the Triolet was very well laid out (I loved your green-eyed monsters, by the way).

I could contribute something about the linnod, but that could be rather strange as it would be pure "fanon".

 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

alawa, come on over and explain the sonnet for us in its diversity - a form that makes my mouth go all dry!

 

 

Re: Green Eyed Monsters/two triolets for fur

alawa, come on over and explain the sonnet for us in its diversity - a form that makes my mouth go all dry!

Eeep! That's quite a tall order - I'm absolutely no expert!

I'm sure somebody posted something about sonnets in another forum. I thought it might have been in Stulti's poetry forum or Wayfarer's Denethor Poetry Challenge forum but I haven't been able to track it down.

 

 

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