1. Dark Light
The darkness engulfes me and I am no longer capable of any feeling. I am a fea, a spirit as the Elder Children of the One would say. But I am capable of memory and thought. I know, that I will soon (as we Ainur reckon time) be brought before Namo, the Judge and that I will be condemmed for the crimes I have commited. I will be cast into the Void like he was before me.
But I do not fear this fate, nay, I even thank the Perian for destroying the fell form I had chosen as my raiment after his death. For this had not been a raiment of happiness, but of sorrow and grief.
And the torment of others that I ordered as long as I was known as the Dark Lord, was just a mirror of the torment I received when the Valar banished him from the circles of Ea.
"Who is he?", I hear the voices in the darkness ask and if I still had a mouth and a voice I would laugh at the question.
For the fea of the Children are so alike to those of their guardians that it can do naught but amuse me. But I shall answer their question, for otherwise my tale would lose its listeners.
Well then, you shall hear the name of the one I call my lover: the greatest of the Quendi, Feanaro, smith and greatest of Iluvatar's children called him Morgoth, the "Black Foe", but that name does not befit my love. I would rather call him Melkor, "he who arises in might", for that name befits him and mighty he was indeed.
For has he not tamed me, the greatest of the servants of Aule, and showed me the might I could posses?
Many of the Eldar think me his servant, but I was not truly that. Let us rather compare me to the most trusted councellor of a wise and mighty king.
In one thing alone I chose to be his subject and that is in love-making. Though we Ainur only choose the body and the flesh of Arda as our raiment, once we have clothed ourselves in it, it becomes a part of us, like it is with all other creatures under the One.
I hear the thoughts of disgust arise among my listeners and I would smile at them, if I could. For we were by far not the only of the Ainur to choose a lover of their own gender. Many did that in the days before the first spring of Arda ended and I could name some, that would shock my innocent audience. And I think I shall do just that, not to make them suffer, but to let wisdom grow instead of innocence.
Lord Manwe himself lies with his friend Ulmo whenever a storm arises in the Outer Seas and the Teleri would surely cry in shock, if they knew about this. And none of the Noldor can condemm me, because they did never see my Melkor in any other raiment save his armour.
Fair was his body, adorned with the tanned skin of the Noldor, the silver hair of the kin of Elwe, lover of my old friend Melian, and the deep-blue eyes of the folk of Ingwe. But there was a strength in that form as well, the strength to lure and to seduce.
Ai, my heart still jumps at the memory of kisses and touches, that scorched and blessed all in one. My audience thinks Melkor must have been a brutal lover, but there is nothing farther from the truth than that.
I was always the jewel in his crown, or so he said and I believe him. Every time he came to me, he stayed all night and I made him forget the troubles of his kingship. Although he had many other lovers or rather toys beside me, the commitment between our spirits was just as strong as between any of the other Valar or Children.
The merging of our bodies was always accompanied by the merging of our spirits. Ah, that is a sight I long to behold again! For the merged light of our fea was like a bright flame made of dark light.
But the deeds of his former brethren drove my Melkor to madness and folly. He no longer sought my company and his greed for power drove him to misdeeds. Ah, and then the army of the Valar came and slew the greatest of their own kin and the love of my existance!
Now the fea of both Elves and Men may understand why I rejoice in the judgement that I shall receive. For does it not mean the reunion with my lover?
Yes, and then the dark light of our love shall lighten the Void forever.
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.