1. Those who remain...
And so for the second time in my life I watched them and him leave. Leave me behind.
I remember clearly our last conversation. We shot words at each other, each hoping to wound the other more and more. Then I told him. No, no I begged him.
“Leave me the twins, or one of them at least!”
I can still recall his expression, though I am still not entirely certain of how to describe it. Shock, and then, then I believe it was something akin to anger but, so different, so very different.
It was as though by just asking for my youngest sons, my twins, my Ambarussa; that I had turned against him, that I had betrayed him, that I had deserted him.
“Were you a true wife, as you had been till cozened by Aulë, you would keep all of them, for you would come with us. If you desert me, you desert also all our children. For they are determined to go with their father!”
I realise now that we had only been speaking out of anger and grief, but that is no excuse. I remember the hot tears flowing down my cheeks, making me appear almost as angry and as hurt as I felt inside; as he said those words that are engrained in my heart, in my soul.
“Were you a true wife…”
Those words they haunt me still as I watch them leave from this high tower. In so many ways I wish to follow them. To go with them, to do as he wished of me…but, I cannot, not after what I said;
“You will not keep all of them. One at least will never set foot on Middle-Earth.”
My voice I hear again, scorning him and so in turn them. Scorning his fruitless endeavour for revenge. I have heard that Nolofinwë and Arafinwë will follow their brother on this fools errand. Even their sister Iriën, has said she will go. But I cannot, not now. I will remain with my father in Aulës’ halls, or mayhap in Tirion with the others who will not leave. The Lady Indis and her elder daughters Findis and Faniel I have heard will also remain; though I fear that they will desert Tirion and return to Taniquetil to live with their Vanyarin kin.
I fear for my sons also, Makalaurë’s wife has chosen to remain behind as has Carnistir’s wife Elenmirë. Though for neither do I know truly why. As for Atarinkë’s wife she is undecided and so rides with the host who now do leave. And with them go their son, my only grandchild Telperinquar who is little more than a babe in arms.
I hear my eldest sons parting words to me as though he is standing here beside me once more. He pleads with me to leave with them, and not desert them again. For he wishes, like I, not to parted once more, for they do not wish for any more disquiet. And this time I fear that fate will not be kind to him, or to any of his brothers ever again. Seven sons I bore to my husband Fëanáro, and seven sons he takes from me. Oh my sons! I hear their words again, spoken in the heat of a moment;
“Be he foe or friend, be he foul or clean
brood of Morgoth or bright Vala,
Elda or Maia or Aftercomer;
Man yet unborn upon Middle-earth..."
How could they speak those words?
"neither law, nor love, nor league of swords,
dread nor danger, not Doom itself…”
Those shameful words.
“Shall defend him from Fëanáro, and Fëanáro’s kin,”
Do they wish for a further divide within our family? Their father and his younger half-brothers Nolofinwë and Arafinwë, already threaten to draw swords upon one another, and although reconciled in word...
"Thou shalt lead and I will follow."
"So be it."
I do not believe that those oaths will hold true for much longer. For their father is dead, killed in cold blood; and so their true reason for reconciliation has been taken away from them.
And now this oath...
“Whoso hideth or hoardeth, or in hand taketh..."
This terrible oath...
"finding keepeth or afar casteth
a Silmaril. This swear we all…”
This doom that they pronounce upon themselves…
“death we will deal him ere Day’s ending,
woe unto world’s end! Our word hear thou,
Eru Allfather! To the everlasting
Darkness doom us if our deed faileth…”
Will lead them only to ruin...and despair.
“On the holy mountain hear in witness…”
It will take them, it will, I see it now…
“and our vow remember…,”
It will never be broken. Until…
“Manwë and Varda!”
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.