25. Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge
“That's right, kiddies, a test of whether you can all spell the names right or not. We're having it right now, and don't even think about cheating. I have Shadowphyre lurking among you, and remember: Shape-shifters can be anything. If I catch a cheater – my mini-Balrogs are quite eager to learn how to play soccer and won't mind a live ball. By the way, thanks to one of you, I have a new mini-Balrog. His name is Legoals. And believe me, he bites.”
Legoals snapped at the air just to prove he did indeed.
“We shall begin with the members of the fellowship, and remember kiddies, in this world there were only *nine* members, got it? Anyone who dares to put their own name down shall have the joy of being turned into a pony.”
“She's in an unusually cranky mood,” Dot whispered.
“The latest Morgoth/Sauron fight led to a lightning strike on her chocolate supply, and she's been cranky ever since,” Lina replied, wincing. Poor chocolate.
“Ouch. How do you know this?”
“Gimli told me this morning.”
Before Dot could ask more (and Lina could see she was dying to), Miss Cam cleared her throat.
There was a rush as everyone grabbed some paper and began writing. Quite a few seemed to be counting on their fingers as they went along.
“Good. Next up, Galadriel's family. Spouse, daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter. More than two names of Aragorn, and no, 'Aragorn' does not count as one of the two. Boromir's family – father and brother, and no, Aragorn is not the brother, you movie-goers.”
“But… but I thought this was a test in how to spell the names, not if we knew them?” Kara asked bravely.
“How silly of me – I should have clarified that if you don't know the names, Legoals and Grimli have this new game they'd like to try. It's called 'Drowning in mud no one can hear you scream'. Okay then, the creator of the Silmarils. Morgoth's original name. Five typical dwarf names, five typical elf names and five typical hobbit names. Any of the Fellowship does not count.”
“Someone get that woman some chocolate,” Lina whispered.
It was a very mentally exhausted crowd that finally trotted out of the theatre some time later, shaking their heads.
“Who the heck was Frodo's father?” asked Starr, looking miserable.
“Drogo,” Tex replied.
“What kind of name is *that*?”
“So Lina, what did you mean by 'Gimli told me'?” Dot asked as they began walking towards their room.
“That he told me.”
“I get that, but when?”
“Oh, you know, this morning.”
“Since when do you see Gimli in the mornings?”
“Since.. umm.. Bumped into him, that's all.”
Just as they entered the first floor hallway, there was a big swoon.
Legolas was coming walking up to them (and with Gimli in tow, though hardly any of the girls noticed that as usual), looking like a cat ready to spring.
Kiore fainted dead away (in the direction of Legolas, but sadly was a little late and fell to the floor behind him with a thud). A few others looked ready to stampede.
“Lina, I was looking for you. There is a certain cave project you were supposed to help us with, *wink, wink*?” Legolas said, just a hint of uncertainty in his voice.
“You don't say *wink, wink*, you actually wink,” Gimli muttered, looking like he'd rather be facing a horde of orcs and Dark Lords.
“Gimli, let me handle this. I've studied up on human courtship, I know how you do this. Besides, it's time you made a move. By the time dwarves are ready to do their first date, whole cities have been created and ruined again. You make *us*, the elves, seem hasty.”
Lina wished she cold sink into the floor. Thankfully, the other girls were too distracted by Legolas's appearance to even notice her discomfort.
“Lina, if you would join us near the staff section at sunset, we can start the project, *nudge, nudge*.”
“I'm going to kill you, Legolas,” Gimli muttered.
“Okay,” Lina replied, wishing her voice weren't faltering quite so much.
“See? How hard was that?” Legolas beamed, and the crowd of first-floor girls were growing, whispering and pointing. “Remember, Legolas is a good name to call a kid, *nudge, wink, nudge*.”
“That's it, I want my 'Human Courtship' book back,” Gimli replied.
“Your 'How to Make That Special One Swoon' book as well?”
“Legolas!” Gimli hissed. “I'll… umm.. see you tonight, Lina. Um, Legolas, how do you plan getting out of here without being stampeded now?”
Legolas frowned, staring at the growing crowd that were eyeing him like a hungry lion eyes its prey.
“Surely they won't…” he got out before the crowd moved as one, charging forward.
“That's the last time we do anything your way,” Gimli groaned as the crowd came at them.
It took an hour to get everyone back to their rooms, especially as the rumour of a Legolas sighting on floor one spread. Quite a few girls got caught in the stampede as well, poor Jules was nearly squished. Luckily, she was rescued by Legoals.
The mini-Balrog seemed to find her very nice, and wandered off with her to its secret lair.
Legolas and Gimli had of course sneaked off in the initial confusion, for as everyone knows, a stampede is full of holes and is the worst way to catch your prey (or lust object).
And Lina – Lina was not seen more that evening, for when dwarves finally do make a move, *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*.
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.