27. BreadLegs and the Bun Cake
“We're supposed to learn survival skills,” Lina reminded her.
“Why don't he learn us that inside, where it's nice and dry?”
“But see, out here there are no mini-Balrogs,” Thalia said in a low whisper. “So when we stop, I can just jump him and…”
“Dream on,” Darhyl broke in. “You'll have to get past me first.”
“I am faster than you!”
The two went on arguing, and Dot and Lina quickly caught up with Kelly and Jo instead (who were arguing about best way to attract an Elf). Most had no strength to say much however, looking quite tired. Quite a few were looking sadly down at their ruined shoes. Apparently wearing high heels were not the best idea. Nor mini-skirts, no matter how sexy you might want to look to draw in Aragorn. He was striding in front, looking like he had done nothing else in his life (which wasn't far from the truth).
“What the heck brought this on anyway?” Dot groaned.
“Don't you remember? Someone said that the trip to Rivendell took one day from Bree, and that from Rivendell to Moria it took only a few days.”
“Oh yeah. Who would have known that it actually took weeks and months?” Jo complained. “And that he actually wanted to prove it didn't take a day.”
“Haven't we walked for a day yet?” Eryn Mari muttered.
“Yeah, and we had no second breakfast,” Magda complained. “Or elevenses.”
“You know, I think the hobbits are becoming too hobbit-y for their own good,” Lina said in a low voice. “They'll go back to our world and don't wear shoes and eat seven meals a day.”
“Hey, at least they'll keep McDonalds in business. But imagine the Sisterhood of Evil back in our world…”
“Eh,” Lina replied. “They'll all be hired by Microsoft, and after all, how much *more* evil can that be?”
She patted BreadLegs and RollFeet, who were peeking out of her backpack and making excited sounds. They liked little outings, especially since they didn't have to do any of the walking themselves.
Aragorn signalled that they should stop, and climbing up at a tall rock he looked over the class. Even the elves were looking miserable (“My beautiful elven hair,” Georgia complained).
“Now, we have walked for hours and hours, and you see how little distance we have covered. Trips through Middle-earth is not a picnic, you just don't 'tag along' on a hunch, unless you are a terrible cute hobbit no one can say no to. It's a dangerous land, a dangerous…”
He noticed a few of the girls eyeing him and seemed to lose his trail of thought for a moment.
“Dangerous land, as I said, with… many dangers…eh...”
A few of the girls were definitely circling him now, for it seemed the wild only added to his rugged manliness and it was beaconing to them.
“What is this, a ranger caught off his guard?” came a soft voice a Arwen slid out of the shadows. Behind her came Glorfindel, looking disappointed. (But Chiara and Pachebel brightened)
“Must you take every scene?” he complained bitterly. “I'm not asking for much here, just one good line. Just one.”
“Arwen!” Aragorn said relieved. “Where were you this morning?”
“Someone locked me in the broom closet,” Arwen replied, sending a few of the girls pointed looks. “And when I find out who, I shall do some embroidery – but not on cloth.”
She smiled sweetly, and eyed the closest girls very carefully. “I am here now, in any case. Just in time to save the situation.”
“Again,” Glorfindel muttered bitterly.
There were a few resigned sighs.
“But hadn't we travelled very far?” asked Thalia and stared at her ruined shoes.
“No, I've been leading you in circles an you didn't notice. No one is born with knowledge of the wild. The University is a few hundred feet that a-way. Class dismissed,” Aragorn replied, and smiled at Arwen. “That line is so sexy, my darling…”
“That was utterly pointless,” Taiya complained.
“Speak for yourself,” Chiara replied and she and Pachebel set course for Glorfindel.
“We think you're hot even without any lines…”
“At least BreadLegs and RollFeet had a blast,” Lina said, letting the two lick some more butter.
“Any closer in solving the parental question? BreadLegs might have a case for alimony, you know,” Dot pointed out.
“I'm going to ask Gandalf tomorrow morning, when I… Before the seminars start, I mean.”
“What is with you? You were kidnapped by a mini-Balrog, hardly complained at all, has sounded cheerful ever since, and what the heck were you discussing with Galadriel this morning?”
“I was just – you know, worried about her. She had a terrible ordeal.”
"No, no. I heard you mentioning something about 'pleasure spots' and you two couldn't stop giggling for an hour.”
Lina just smiled as they entered the University, thinking happily about just what she was going to use the knowledge Galadriel had passed on for. Hoo boy.
They entered the room, and Lina more felt than saw the presence in her room. There, on the bed…
“Oyoy-daddoy,” RollFeet muttered excitedly.
“Oh no,” Lina groaned. “Not *you*. Anyone but you. And how did you impregnate BreadLegs anyway?”
“I can change shape. She was just so irresistible, I just… I became a bun cake, and we made sweet love… Ah, my BreadLegs.”
“Toey, if RollFeet starts spreading bad spelling, I'm going to kill you.”
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.