Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, The: 32. [Title censored by the Committee For Galadriel’s Sanity]

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32. [Title censored by the Committee For Galadriel’s Sanity]


Funny. In even the most odd places, the most extraordinary circumstances, sooner or later you fall into a routine of sorts.

For Lina it was sneaking off at night, giving whatever mini-Balrog who was on guard some fried bacon and raw eggs (although she had a pass, it didn't hurt to be on friendly terms with someone who could easily kick your ass), sneaking into Gimli's room and [for the sanity of Galadriel, the rest of the sentence has been eased. Thank you for not thinking of such things. Signed, Miss Cam].

Then, when morning came it was usually breakfast in the staff section (every other day with Morgoth and Sauron throwing rotten eggs at each other and usually missing) before trotting off to catch up with Dot. However, Dot seemed to have found an interesting prospect of her own: The Rohan Mail-rider, who was giving her riding lessons.

Legolas was particularly thrilled, having one more name to strike off his list (“One name a month, Lina. At that rate it will take me a whole age, but it will be worth it. The peace and comfort of bachelor life returned to me…”)

Ah, spring.

Of course, all too soon (or not soon enough for those who were actually looking forward to classes again) spring break was over and semester two was about to commence.

Semester two promised some rather interesting subjects. Numerology 101 with Elrond; Male Bonding 202 with Gimli and Legolas; Evil Minions 202 with Evil Minions; Dating in Middle-earth 101 with Galadriel; and of course, What's In a Name continued.

Especially Male Bonding had created a stir, for all the Legolas-droolers couldn't wait to have a class with him and [What did I say about thinking such things? Signed, Miss Cam]. On the other hand, the Aragorn-should-be-single club was in mourning (“It's not fair! I think we were beginning to gain some ground!” Michelle insisted) and consoled themselves thinking of Aragorn in [Must I censor every sentence? Do-not-think-such-things! Signed, Miss Cam] And the hobbits were heartbroken (although Merry and Pippin had Homemade Hobbit delights, that wasn't until next semester). The Sam Stampeders had been known to lurk in the gardens hoping to catch their favourite gardener and [Oh, for the love of Galadriel, stop! Signed, Miss Cam]

Legolas weren't particularly looking forward to his lectures, even with new mini-Balrogs (Boramor, Lagoless and Isuludur) to insure safety.

Concerns over safety issues had even prompted miss Cam to hire Miss Dwimordene as Head of Ass-Kickings and Cruel Punishments. Sauron was rather miffed he hadn't got the job though. (“I'm a natural!” he claimed, but of course Morgoth disagreed – “A natural failure, that is!” “Drool!” “Fungus!” “Moss!”)

That hadn't stopped Ryven and Alanna from trying to dig a tunnel under the gate and into the staff section. Sadly, they miscalculated and ended up in Gollum's room (“Two Precioussssssessss!”). Miss Cam was convinced the two had set a new world record when running away, for the sped they'd had was most impressive.

Then of course there was Phoenixfeather's smashing idea to climb up on the roof and enter through the roof hatch, only it wasn't a roof hatch but rather the entrance to the Miss Thundera Tiger's Flying School For Mini-Balrogs ('Spread Those Wings And Do Not Plummet Into the Abyss' as it was fondly called).

And as odd as it seemed, it was all a part of the normal life at OFUM. In the end, even Legolas was glad classes were starting, for at least that would been less spare time for all the students and maybe he wouldn't have to endure 'Love Songs: Greatest Hits Sung by Not-So-Great Voices' every morning (“It's not that I mind them serenading me from outside, it's rather like a rooster indicating morning, but when it even wakes you and Gimli… And it's not very Elvish. We sing, we do not serenade.”)

The subject of Evil Minions had the Nazgûls in fierce preparation (they had managed to restore the Witch-King back to a wall and the Ice Cream-Nazgûl took a black dye bath once a week) to look as evil as they could. Of course, Morgoth had his own evil minions and plans to upstage Sauron's evil minions, and the class was likely to get caught in the middle. But hey, it might mean less studying,

Elrond looked quite happy as well, Lina noticed, preparing his book list. She just hoped it would weigh less than a hippo this time. It was such a drag having to drag your books to class because you couldn't lift them.

Even that didn't stop the Elrond-lovers from looking forward to his class. (“I mean, how hard can that subject be?” Brandy had said in an upbeat tone. “We can all count!”)

And everyone agreed Dating in Middle-earth 101 would be real handy. It would probably be full of handy knowledge for how to lure in that lust-object and [NO! NO! NO! And by that I mean 'NO'. Signed, Miss Cam]. Even Dot took some time off from her riding lessons and moonlight strolls to voice her enthusiasm for that subject. (“Then I can finally figure out if he's asking me on a date when he's offering me 'Spot That Orc From the Horseback' lessons! Did I mention he's really hot? And Scandinavian-looking? And hot?”)

Yes, it was spring, Faramir had become aware of his first fangirl (an Ininvelka Furius, who had instantly been invited into the Sisterhood of Evil, for with that kind of name, 'you're either evil or your parents desperately wanted you to become evil,' as Tabby had put it), Lina couldn't be happier, classes were about to start and life at OFUM was as normal (by that we mean 'abnormal') as ever.

And who said routine is dull? [And don't even think about mentioning what you shouldn't think about! I'm watching you. Signed, Miss Cam]

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Camilla Sandman

Status: Reviewed

Completion: Complete

Era: Other

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 03/15/04

Original Post: 06/18/02

Go to Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, The overview


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