Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, The: 40. Through Sickness and Pain (And Urple)

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40. Through Sickness and Pain (And Urple)

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Sorry about the delay. Bronchitis – it is not the ultimate evil, but I'm sure it's related.
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It sucks being sick. It particularly suck when you are not at home or near the family, who never fails to bring you soup. In an University, the chances of someone bringing your soup is significantly less. Unless the sick one is Legolas, in which case hundreds of girls will make chicken soup in hope of being the lucky one to feed it to the poor elf.

And then of course, the hobbits will hold a wake for all the lost chicken, especially because it will take ages (in hobbit measurement) to get a new stock.

Of course, it helps to have a lovely boyfriend when you're sick. One that brings you 'Special Dwarven Soup'. Even if the soup temporarily makes you grow a beard, it's still a nice gesture.

Lina was not too bad off though, compared to poor Legolas. Having tried Gandalf's 'let's get better tea', the elf had… Well, suffered the consequences of Gandalf-food . No one had seen Legolas since – but heard him, they had. The tea had apparently turned him invisible – temporarily, one would hope.

But as Legolas put it – “Always look on the bright side of light, is not that what they say? At least now I can walk around without being tackled.”

Although, Phoenix Song amazingly managed to tackle him (but not stay on, for those mini-Balrogs were quick). It seems she had put down 'Jedi knight' as race on her enrolment form, adding that she was only joking.

Sadly, the registration office had no sense of humour (Gandalf's biscuits had robbed them of that ages ago). Thus, a Jedi she was (with special powers to see what others didn't see). And the Sisterhood of Evil was hoping to bring a Sith into being.

Even Miss Cam was sick, astonishingly enough. Lina was sure bacteria would run at the mere sight of Miss Cam, but it would seem not. Brave bacteria – they had even managed to nail down Sauron. Morgoth was happy, for now he could cheat on the chess game the two Dark Lords had started. Of course, Sauron bribed Lyle into changing the board again, and then Morgoth had Saruman change it once more – until there were amazingly ten queens per colour.

Due to the massive wave of sickness, classes had been cancelled. Elrond was sorely disappointed, having to cancel his massive 'The Number Is…?' test (but he was slightly cheered up when Sorne came and took it voluntarily). And it did give him time to come up with an even worse one.

Shada and Stephanie took the time to work on an anti-invisibility potion for Legolas (“We want to see our love-muffin!”) but instead nearly managed to blow up the kitchen (and Nissa, who had snuck in to steal it, so she could be the one to turn Legolas visible). Liela and Niamh had their 'love mushroom soup' for Frodo and Pippin ruined, and BreadLegs got temporarily turned into a croissant. (Toey was not too displeased though. He had always craved for some French loving).

Thalia defied her sick body, and went through with her 'knock down Arwen and take her place plan'. Sadly, in her fever, Thalia mistook Celebrían (the real one, not the student) for Arwen, and Elrond was not amused. Of course, Elrond was hardly ever amused, except when he was correcting tests and writing 'F's in big, red letters.

Gandalf got permission to enter the kitchens again(to work on how to turn Rabagast, Radagast's evil twin, into a fly, so Miss Cam could squish him), flanked by Moroko (who had declared herself a Gandalf fangirl, despite nearly drowning in drool whenever Legolas was near. Not that that was uncommon. Miss Cam had suggested to the elf that if he was really desperate to get rid of the crowds stalking him, he could always do a strip-tease and watch them die of bliss. 'Use the force, Legolas,' as she put it).

The mini-Balrogs were so bored from the lack of people to scare and chase off, they formed an union and demanded a pay-rise. (MIBA, the union to promote mini-Balrog well-being.) Among the demands was a section of their own and a new trampoline, to train in-air-tackles. A trampoline with skulls on though, to maintain that proper look of evilness. Elassar, head of the mini-Balrogs (until he was toppled, at least) was driving a hard negotiation.

Boromir was rather crushed his 'How to Kick-Ass and Die With Grace And Plot Relevance (Not Just To Ensure Your Lust Object Will Always Love You and Pine)' seminar had to be postponed. So were all the Boromir fangirls, who even dragged themselves out of bed to protest (looking so dead and horrid they actually managed to pass the mini-Balrogs, who thought they were guest lecturers for Evil Minions). Sadly, the chicks mistook Faramir's room for Boromir's. Their screams upon being chased by Éowyn could be heard all the way to Lina's room. And once and for all, everyone was now convinced Éowyn could in fact kick ass.

It also proved that not even bacteria can defeat hormones.

The wave of sickness also had tempers flaring, Goldberry at one point walking out on Tom Bombadil for failing to get her chicken soup (“You only love me because I know synonyms for blue!”), but he won her back with a four hour long poem about the colour of her eyes. Ragna the Urple was disappointed, as he had been planning to woo.

All in all, Lina wasn't too displeased with staying in bed, especially with Gimli keeping her up to speed on events in the staff section, and Legolas's tales of Fëanor's attempts to create something greater than the Silmarils – an urple-banishing gem.

But of course, some evils simply cannot be banished. Some evils are… Ultimate?


This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Camilla Sandman

Status: Reviewed

Completion: Complete

Era: Other

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 03/15/04

Original Post: 06/18/02

Go to Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, The overview

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