1. the story
Luckily for her, her house sat on a very unstable wormhole. They didn’t tell her family this when they bought it, but the previous owners had been quite inconveniently sucked into the book The Time Machine right at the part where the hero goes into the far, far distant future. After a brief glimpse at said time machine they were promptly devoured by a giant centipede.
For yes, this wormhole was indeed one of the fabled bookwormholes that transported people into books. So, as Ty sat in her room listening to Enya and brushing her perfect blonde hair that sparkled like spun gold in the sunlight, her bed opened beneath her and she dropped off the face of the Earth.
And right into Middle Earth. Of course, she didn’t know this at the time. All she knew was that suddenly she was no longer in her room, but hanging upside-down by her foot from a tree. She looked around.
‘This is curious,’ she thought to herself. ‘I don’t recall any nearby forests being planted upside-down.’ It took her several minutes to realize that she was the one deficient in proper verticality. This is because, unfortunately, Ty was not a terribly bright girl. She was many things: beautiful, confident, talented, but a genius she was not. The fact that the blood was rushing to her head did not help.
Luckily for her, she didn’t have to think of a way down, for at that very moment she heard soft footsteps approaching. As she looked, a quite handsome upside-down man came running up. The few brain cells she had went on a coffee break as she gazed at him. Suddenly, the man spoke.
“Are you in need of assistance?”
Instinctively, she nodded. The man bounded down the tree to the branch, which caught her foot. Before she knew what was happening, she fell several feet to the ground.
“Ah!” she yelled, then, “Oomph,” and, “Ai,” then she added an, “Oy,” for effect. Her vision was temporarily blurred to the extent that all was in shadows. She heard the man leap to the ground and the next thing she knew, she felt her head being lifted and cradled in a pair of very strong arms.
“I’m terribly sorry. I don’t know how I let that happen,” came the sweet voice of the man.
She opened her eyes and her vision returned. She found herself staring into a pair of the most beautiful blue eyes she’d ever seen. Her violet eyes twinkled like a thousand nova stars and she said, “It’s okay. Thank you.” A cool wind blew across her face and some of the man’s long, blond hair flew at her. She didn’t want to be rude, and she rather liked the smell of it, so she just laid there with the hair covering her face until the man brushed it away. When she again saw his face, he looked a little embarrassed.
He helped her to her feet and she finally got a proper look at the world. She was in a forest somewhere, obviously. Where, she didn’t know. Though, as she looked, it appeared less as a forest and more as a simple grove. The land was rough and undeveloped and the weather was cool. Certainly not southern California.
She turned to look at the man and saw that he was even more handsome than he had previously appeared. He was a few inches taller than her. ‘The perfect height,’ she thought absently to herself. As he brushed his hair back, she realized that his ears were pointed. She didn’t quite register what this could mean. She just thought they were cute.
He looked at her and smiled shyly as a sudden wave of nerdy-teenager-ness hit. She just about fainted. He was even cuter when he was smiling. She just stared at him for some time, unable to speak or even realize that maybe she should. She just kept thinking to herself, ‘Wow. He’s pretty.’
Finally, he asked for her name. As if in a trance, she replied, “Tylianvrokana, but all my friends call me Ty.”
He repeated it, then, “It is a beautiful name. What does it mean?”
She straightened slightly to appear more knowledgeable. “In the language of my people, it means ‘Girl who is perfect in every way.’”
As he looked upon her hair that was perhaps even more beautiful than his own (but he doubted it) and her fair skin that seemed to glow with the light of Eärendil’s star, he answered, “Of course. But who, may I ask, are the people that could produce such a beauty?”
She blushed and began to answer, “The...uh...,” and that’s when she realized that she had no idea who her people were. Not for sure, anyway. But that didn’t stop her from blundering along. “The...Germ...eng...eric...ottish?”
He looked at her quizzically. Adorably quizzically. “I have not heard of that people,” he said as politely as he could, not wanting to imply that they were unimportant.
She quickly covered her tracks with the skill that comes from fifteen long years in California. “Yeah. From...Germ...engericotland.” Then, by way of explanation, she added, “Down south.”
The man looked surprised (and yes, that, too, was adorable). “A fellow traveler? It is an honor to meet you, Tylianvrokana.”
“Just Ty,” she corrected him.
“Ty.” When he spoke her name, it was with such perfect grace that she felt she might melt right there. “I am Legolas,” he added. The name sounded like a beautiful bubbling brook to her ears. Right then she wanted to have it tattooed on her butt. She almost said as much when she heard someone approach.
She looked over and suddenly there was an incredibly ruggedly handsome man standing before her. He went to Legolas. “Who is this?” he asked him. His voice was just as manly as he. She was instantly torn between her affection for the two of them. Of course, had she known that one was old enough to be her great-grandfather and the other old enough to be a far more distant ancestor, she may not have had the same reaction.
Legolas smiled at his friend. “This is...Ty,” he said, stopping himself before saying her full name. “She needed my assistance.”
“Are you all right now, lady?” the rugged man asked her. She nodded dumbly. “Then we should be on our way,” he told Legolas. “Merry and Pippin are waiting.”
“It was an honor to meet you,” Legolas told her, taking her hand and kissing it. Her mind reeled at the touch. She was one young and unschooled in the ways of love (Not literally. They actually rather schooled it into the ground.), but the feeling of his soft, perfect lips on her skin nearly sent her into a seizure. She just stared blankly at the two of them, lost in her own reckless imagination. It was not until they began moving off that she realized what was happening.
‘No, don’t go!’ she screamed at them in her mind. ‘I need you!’ A second later, she realized they couldn’t hear her and said the words out loud.
They spun around. Her sudden outburst caught them off guard, if that was possible. When she calmed down, she said, “What I mean is...I’m lost. I don’t know where I am or how I got here. I have nowhere to go. Can I come with you?”
Seeing as how she was so beautiful and all, they agreed to let her go with them. They knew she’d be absolutely no use in their quest and quite possibly would get them all killed, but they needed some feminine beauty to make Legolas look more masculine.
When they left the wood, she saw a rather short, ugly man looking at them. To her surprise, she found that they were walking toward him. The closer she got, the shorter he looked until they were standing right in front of him and he was only about four feet tall.
“Ty, this is Gimli,” Legolas told her. He turned to say something to the dwarf, but saw that he was in somewhat of a comatose state. Gimli was staring at the radiant beauty before him. He thought that somehow she was even more beautiful than Galadriel.
Gimli took her hand and kissed it. She yanked it back quickly, but he didn’t notice. “My lady,” he said, “It is a rare joy to a dwarf’s heart to lay eyes on such a creature as yourself. Surely you have come to us from the land of dreams, for no such beauties exist in the waking world.”
She looked at Legolas, pleadingly. He laid a hand on Gimli’s shoulder. “No, friend. She is from Germengericotland, in the south.”
“Of course. ‘Tis a fair country,” he replied as if he’d been there.
To change subject, Ty looked back to the ruggedly handsome man. “Hey, you never told me your name, you hot steaming pile of manly goodness.” He looked at her very strangely. ‘Did I say that last part out loud,’ she asked herself. It appeared so, because he hesitated before answering.
“I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn.”
She smiled slyly. “Really? Who’s this Arathorn? Is he as adorably scruffy as you?”
Aragorn looked annoyed. “He died when I was an infant.”
She lowered her eyes slightly. “Oh, sorry.”
She opened her mouth to say something else when Legolas, who was feeling quite embarrassed for her, told her, “You need to stop talking now.”
And so they walked for some time. She managed to get them to tell her about their quest, getting way more information out of Gimli than was prudent. They were currently looking for two hobbits that they’d lost. She didn’t quite know what a hobbit was, but it seemed very important that they find them, so she went along.
Along the way, they met another sexy beast by the name of Éomer. She also found out they were following a band of something called orcs. She didn’t know what they were, either, but they didn’t sound sexy.
In the end, she proved to be quite a nuisance. Despite her perfect beauty and other good qualities, she was crap for fighting and knew nothing of survival. One night she just wandered off after hearing what she thought was a sexy sound and no one ever heard from her again.
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.