Subtextual Fanfictionalia: 1. Subtextual Fanfictionalia

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1. Subtextual Fanfictionalia

A/N: Rocky Horror Picture Show meets Middle-earth's fractured fanfic continuum in a parody of "Sweet Transvestite". Legolas, with the help of Gimli and Aragorn, undertakes to explain a few things...

There comes a knocking. A familiar figure stumps over from the scantily clad figure lounging on the couch in the room beyond the door to answer it. The door opens to reveal two girls, standing there goggling at Gimli son of Glóin... in fishnets. Cue music...

Legolas (from couch):

How do you do?
I see you've met my faithful Dwarven man
He's just a little brought down because
When you knocked
He thought you were the Dúnadan
Fangirls get strung out by the way we "cook"
(Classic judgin' books by their covers)
See those ears? Not a Man by the light of day
And by night I'm one hot elven lover
I'm just a sweet princely bite
It's my subtextual fanfiction alias


Why don't you stay for the night
Or maybe a pipe?
We could talk about that bookish description
Because you're making a man from some hair and a fan—
Fictionally lurid obsession

Fangirl 1: "Lurid obsession?"


Let me show you the scene, maybe explain a few things
You look like you're both pretty confused
Or if you want something visual
That's not too abysmal
We could leaf through some old reviews

Fangirl 2:

I'm glad we caught you at home
Could we see your, uh, bow?
We're both in a bit of a hurry...

Gimli (sarcasm):

Aragorn (arriving then):

Don't think that you'll get far
You don't know what we are
But you'll soon understand, don't worry


Well we got caught in the act—
No, not like that
The fanfic scene's mad antics:
With the stroke of a pen
We're all in love with men
(Though the writing's pedantic romantic)
So I'm sweet "Leggy lite"
Yeah, a subtextual fanfiction alias
Why not stay with "Lego-bite"?


Legolas (evilly):

Or the "king of Gond-whore".



Gimli (suggestive):

I could show you my favorite obsession
I've been doing a man
With blond hair but no tan
And he's good for relieving my tension

Legolas (coy):

I'm just a sweet princely bite
Oh subtextual fanfictionalia!
Hit it! Hit it!
I'm just a prince of no might—


"Prince of no might"?


It's subtextual


Fanfiction alias?


So yeah just rewrite me
I'll show you my... 'tree'
I see you shiver with antici...pation
But it's never me
So ladies be free
Oh I'll be all you want
In fanfiction

The lyrics to "Sweet Transvestite" are here (although the extra verse in the beginning comes about because I was listening to the Anthony Stewart Head version, and he does repeat a verse).

The soundfiles are here


This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Dwimordene

Status: General

Completion: Complete

Era: Other

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 06/17/04

Original Post: 06/16/04

Go to Subtextual Fanfictionalia overview


WARNING! Comments may contain spoilers for a chapter or story. Read with caution.

Subtextual Fanfictionalia

Crowdaughter - 15 Sep 07 - 4:27 AM

Ch. 1: Subtextual Fanfictionalia

Hi, Dwimordene!

The fifteen-minutes-recommendations at the main page of HASA are a great thing; I cannot believe I never found this before!

I see you've met my faithful Dwarven man
He's just a little brought down because
When you knocked
He thought you were the Dúnadan

*stares baffled and in awe* What a perfect transcription of Rocky Horror Picture Show to LOTR. I found myself tempted to sing along, while reading. Absolutely hilarious, and very much to the point. This is great! Laugh out loud

A/N: There is no excuse for this.

On the contrary. This is perfect. thank you for writing and sharing, and for a very needed laugh!


Subtextual Fanfictionalia

Dwimordene - 17 Sep 07 - 2:34 PM

Ch. 1: Subtextual Fanfictionalia

Hi Aislynn,


I had great fun writing this, in a "Oh God, this is... so... very... WRONG - I've gotta do it!" way. I'm pleased it tickled your fancy and gave you a humorous boost.

Thanks for reading and commenting - it was great to find your note in my inbox!


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This is a catch-all forum designed to allow you, the reader and writer, to follow and discuss all entries into a given challenge.

As new challenges come along, I will link them to this forum. Within this forum, each challenge is listed in its own thread. Then within that thread, you may discuss any and all stories entered for that challenge. This prevents the endless multiplication of discussions devoted to one challenge by allowing us to simply add threads to this one.

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