(A/N): This started out as a list inspired by my good friend Melkie-Welkie the original disgruntled hobbit (And yes, when I say inspired, I mean she actually does most of these things. We’re trying to get her counseling, but so far all the psychiatrists have run out on her.) (And before I forget, everyone must go read “The Noldolantë”, it’s on ff.net) Of course, I’m to blame for some of them as well. I’d also like to thank Nirejseki and Alcina for their wonderful suggestions. Suggestions and constructive crit. highly appreciated.
You Might be a Silmarillion obsessie if…
1. You refer to the book as “My precious” or your Bible or both.
2. You have the sons of Fëanor living in your head and shouting directions to you.
3. You’ve drawn up pedigrees for the Noldor to show hair color.
4. Instead of saying oh my god, you say “sweet Eru on a pogo stick!” or something like that.
5. You’ve written the “Noldolantë” and other even more obscure Tolkien based poetry.
6. Your parents are now “ada” and “ammië”
7. Your lust object is one of the mutilated and more than slightly deranged sons of Fëanor. Oh did I mention he was cursed… and psychologically damaged, just a little, but you still claim he is yummy because of his flaming red hair and this is about the time that normal people tend to scamper up trees just to get away from you… three guesses who he is.
8.You have been dubbed the Pope of Tolkienism.
9. All of your English projects are written in Cirith runes
10. You got fed up with all the “too easy” Silm quizzes online so you made up your own. So far no one has gotten any of them correct.
11. Your insult of choice is Spawn of Morgoth or Mary Sue
12. You know the houses of three of Gondolin’s captains.
13. You doodle Stars of Fëanor when you get bored… and some how they end up drawn on your jeans too.
14. You can relate any and all concepts, even the most obscure ones to The Silmarillion.
15. You know and constantly recite the Oath of Fëanor.
16. Your preferred torture method is to chain people to the sides of mountains and read them Maedhros/Ilúvatar slash. * Shudders at the mere thought of such a pairing. There’s a special place in Angband for people who write that stuff. *
17. You hear one line of any Blind Guardian song and can instantly identify which bit of The Silmarillion it’s referring to. *Starts humming “Dead Winter Reigns”*
18. If some thing goes wrong in your house, instead of blaming it on younger siblings, you blame it on the balrogs who supposedly inhabit your basement because it resembles Angband so much.
19. Random members of your family have dubbed your room Utumno.
20. The only reason they know where and what Utumno is, is that you “discuss” the book with them so often
21. You put up silver and gold lights in two trees in your front yard.
22. You get overly excited when you hear the word mole.
23. You are infamous for preaching for hours on The Silmarillion, and people are starting to avoid you because of it.
24. You know the mother names of the Sons of Fëanor.
25. You post halfway decent Silm fics.
26. You’ve been kicked off ff.net for afore mentioned fics.
27. You have your own Silm mini-balrog. *huggles Caruthir*
28. Your computer is named Morgoth.
29. You know where Araman is.
30. You’re already planning for next Halloween when you and seven friends are going to dress up as Fëanor and his seven sons. (And you’ve already called dibs on Maedhros)
31. You’re obsessing about said costumes and looking everywhere for the perfect color wig.
32. When taking the United States Constitution test, you put Fëanor as the Speaker of the House.
33. Random chemistry formulas are starting to look like character names to you.
34. You know all the names of Turin.
35. You took/passed an online Quenya class.
36. You’ve actually performed a Tolkien exorcism (PPC style.)
37. You constantly rant about the stupidity of a certain Vala who shall remain nameless *cough*Manwë*cough*
38. Your spell check accepts words like Ilúvatar and Helcaraxë and Gondolin.
39. You refer to your television as your palantir.
40. When reading a book about Mordred, you instantly start to draw parallels between his life and the life of a certain dark elf.
41. Asterisks are now mini Stars of Fëanor
42. You’re pestering your school district to add metallurgy and forging as classes.
43. When an event from /The Silm./ is mentioned, you immediately tell people the textual history of the event and how it differs from the 1930 Qenta Noldorina.
44. You are genuinely surprised that they aren’t fascinated and grateful for this information.
45. You are not ashamed to identify with anything on this list.
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.