19. Difficult Decisions
A lone, unmoving figure stood on a rise of ground at the edge of the forest. He was tall, lithe, and beautiful. The wind teased strands of his golden hair, blowing them across his bright gray eyes. A hand slowly moved up and long fingers tucked the rebellious strands behind his delicately pointed ears, before slowly lowering once again. He stared into the distance, looking to the west as the sun sank into the horizon. A frown creased his brow, and a low groan came from deep within him, as the yearning took over his heart.
Did he truly have a heart or was it just an empty throbbing hole? A continuous pain that never left and only grew as he dwelled on the ache. Only one thing was there...the sea. Always the sea. In his mind he could hear the crash of the waves, smell the salt in the air and hear the cries of the gulls.
Legolas had been back in Ithilien for six weeks. During that time he had regained no further memories. Tathar was familiar, as Estel had been familiar. At times he almost felt he remembered the elf that had been his friend for so long. But whenever he tried to grasp the memories, they fled, leaving him empty and confused.
Tathar continued serving in the position of leadership in Asca Nen. Legolas, having no memories of this place, was not in a position to resume his command. He had become a lord in name only, serving no purpose to the people he did not know. As the weeks went by, he began to develop a sense of detachment, and took to exploring the wood that should have been home.
His father did his best to help him. The elven king went out of his way to remind Legolas of the things his son had told him over the years, the things Legolas loved of Ithilien. Legolas did not know what had changed his father. Never did Thranduil even mention the sea. He did not have to, it called and wooed Legolas all on its own. And when it became overwhelming his father or sister would hold him as he cried. His tortured heart could not take this much longer.
A week after returning, Faramir and Eowyn had come to see how he was fairing on their way back to Emyn Arnen. Legolas was honest with them and told them nothing had changed. Both encouraged him to have faith and to be patient. He would remember in time.
Legolas was no longer sure. There was no way to know if he would regain his memories, or continue living in the confusion and pain. He could not possibly serve in any capacity under these circumstances. It was getting hard to even function with such emptiness consuming him
Lifting his head again towards the west, he let the song of the sea consume him. The pain of the longing was bittersweet. The song was beautiful, yet as it called to him, the pain throbbed in his heart. Slowly he became aware of another ache there, and he searched his heart for the reason for it. But no answer came. It felt so vaguely familiar, but he could not remember.
And as he dwelt on the object of his desire, he softly questioned himself out loud. "Why am I still here?"
He had no answer and the agonizing pain and longing overwhelmed him. With great effort the elf tried to push the sea to the back of his mind. He could not, not even for a short time. Taking one final look west, and turning toward the trees, Legolas made his decision.
The tormented elf began the walk back to Asca Nen to speak to his father and Tathar. Arrangements would need to be made, packing would need to be done, and he would need to notify those who would wish to know of his decision. He was sailing.
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.