29. Past And Present II: Glorfindel
Completely A.U. Legolas slave fic. This story was inspired by Bluegolds story "Bound", which can be found here: http://daemel.freespaces.com/authors.html#blue
I use similar plot ideas here with her permission.
Betareader: Many thanks to Surreysmum, who polished this and made it so much better! All still remaining errors are my own.
Warnings: Slash. M/m, BDSM, d/s, torture, toys, non-con and debatable consent. Very graphic descriptions.
Special warnings for this chapter: mention of torture, rape, gang-rape and mutilation. All in flashbacks only, and no graphic description, but the implications in this chapter are still grim. Please heed the warnings!
Disclaimer: Universe and characters are not mine, but Tolkien's. The idea of the spell, however, belongs to me.
Guide: In this chapter, I work with flashback scenes. Here is a Guide:
// /flashback/ //; ************Time change within a flashback***********; “speech”; 'thoughts'
For all other warnings, other disclaimers and author's notes see Story Intro.
XXVII. Past and Present, II: Glorfindel
Legolas huddled deeper against the big trunk of the tree he had chosen as lookout for his watch, and let his eyes trail around the sleeping camp. It was late in the year and most of the leaves had already fallen; there was hardly any foliage left to hamper his vision and the branches were just big and thickly spread enough to hide him from unfriendly eyes from a distance. Just right for a Woodelf on watch-duty. In any case, he did not feel comfortable on the ground right now and needed the tree's reassuring presence to give him comfort.
The voices of these trees here were faint, not as clearly defined and awake as the trees in Rivendell, especially the big one that had given him comfort so often in the past; and they could even less compare to the wakeful trees of Mirkwood, at least the ones close to his father's halls, which were still in league and friends with his people. These trees here were of Eregion; they had not known Elves for a very long time, and even then they were used to another kind of Elves, one who dismissed trees and saw them mostly as a means to light the fires of their smithies. There had been far too few Sindar among the Noldor of Eregion at that time to speak to the trees and appreciate their voices. And even so, the Elves of Eregion were gone a very long time ago. Still, the trees had voices, and the one he had sought shelter within now had felt his pain, and tried to soothe him.
At the very least, it would protect him and help him in his watch, give warning if any evil drew near. And this was something he would need right now, distracted and upset as he was by his earlier nightmare.
Shivering, Legolas huddled himself tighter together and fought against the lingering pain and despair. He shuddered again as he thought back to that time. After that incident with the girl, he had nearly been broken. He had simply ceased to care. At the time he arrived in Rivendell, he had been already been better, although it still took quite a while until he had really been able to develop something akin to self-confidence and self-respect again. He just owed it to Glorfindel that in the end he did not break, but managed to recover at all. He would not have survived with his sanity intact if not for the golden-headed Noldor Lord.
Desperately, Legolas recalled the many reassuring words Glorfindel had given him at that time, and especially the counsel the Noldor Lord had given him concerning that girl. It had been about two weeks after the extension of the spell, and early in Glorfindel's frequent visits in his little tent. After a few visits, Legolas had learned to know the Noldor Lord from the other enemies who visited him for their pleasure, and finally, hesitantly, he had began to trust him, simply because there were no other sources of reassurance to be had and no one else he could trust or confide in, and he needed someone.
Glorfindel had patiently calmed him down; the first, few conversations with the Noldor Lord must have resembled trying to calm a panicked and skittish horse abused by his masters. Still, the seneschal had visited him again and again and finally he got Legolas to calm down in his presence and really listen to him. And slowly, Legolas had started to trust again, especially since the other Elf never sought to take his pleasure of the slave. In the end, Legolas could even allow Glorfindel to touch him without retreating behind inner walls. Even now, he would trust the Noldor with his life, nearly as much - and, painfully enough, sometimes even more – as he trusted Estel.
For Glorfindel had never intentionally hurt him.
Then again, Glorfindel had never given him his love. And while the Noldor Elf had saved Legolas' sanity with his counsel and support, it had been Estel who later managed to make Legolas want to live again.
Still, while Estel had conquered and come to own his heart, at first Glorfindel had given him the strength to survive and recover.
It has been during one of these visits in the first month of Legolas' enslavement that Glorfindel surprised him with a most astonishing confession.
// / Legolas was kneeling in the very place where the last couple of rapists and abusers had left him. He was trembling in shame, head bowed down. He desperately wished to be alone, although the one keeping him company presently had come to be welcome company to him and normally he was glad for the Noldor Lord's visits. Yet right now he was all too aware of his tattered garment, the reek of sex, and of the lingering traces of the recent abuse still evident on his form.
None of that seemed to bother Glorfindel, though. The golden-headed Noldor Lord was busy cleaning Legolas' body with a soft cloth, soap and a bowl of clean, warm water, as naturally as if such ministrations to a mere slave were the most normal tasks for the seneschal of Rivendell.
The plain attentions had a calming effect on the stricken slave, but they did nothing to disperse Legolas' despair and shame. Nor did they lessen the first, raw, revolting currents of need and desire coursing through his system. The Noldor Lord had gently explained these feelings to him as an inevitable side-effect of the spell that bound Legolas now, even more effectively than his still bound hands.
“Withdrawal,” Glorfindel had explained, “first it will manifest itself in need and desire, later it will transform into the driving need to be taken, and at last it will make you sick and kill you. Only those to whom you are bound to can stop the process. But Elrond has forbidden us to give you that relief for the time, and as much as I regret this fact, he is right in this: you need to go through the process at least once so you will understand what it will do. But do not despair! None of the feelings you will be forced to experience belong to you; they are caused and enforced by the spell, and you do not need to be embarrassed about them.”
That had not been very reassuring, nor had it done much to endear the Noldor Lord to Legolas at first; but by now he was grateful for the explanation. Still, the knowledge did nothing to lessen his despair and self-loathing. Again he wished that he could die. Yet he was denied such mercy.
Glorfindel cleaned his exposed shoulders. He flushed and bowed his head to hide his face.
Nearly inaudibly, he said: “You must despise me, My lord!”
To his astonishment, Glorfindel denied it.
“No, Greenleaf. I do not despise you. In fact, I respect you very much.”
Legolas' head came up in shock. Then he shook his head. “You mock me, My Lord!” he said bitterly, feeling an inexplicable feeling of loss and grief at the thought. Why he expected anything else from the Noldor Lord, he did not know. And yet, was it not simply what he deserved?
Glorfindel shook his head. Legolas saw it, yet did not trust the gesture. With effort, he bit back his tears and his feelings of despair and betrayal,and spat out: “Why would you think this? What would be honorable about me?”
Glorfindel set his bowl away and knelt down in front of the upset slave. Seriously, he looked at the distressed face before him and held Legolas' gaze.
“I do not mock you,” he said.”I do respect you. I respect you for what you were willing to do for your people. It takes courage to sacrifice oneself for others, but more courage to do it the way you did.”
Legolas shuddered. He could not hold the gaze of the Noldor Lord and averted his eyes.”Oh, yes,” he spat bitterly, “it is such a honorable thing I do! I am everybody's whore, and they use me at their whim and wish. And I am serving them like a common harlot, as if I were a seasoned slut. Look at me! I cannot even die as I should do! I am an abomination!”
He looked down, unable to face the gentle Noldor Lord he had come to respect and trust.
Glorfindel sighed and set the cloth away. He waited patiently for the slave to raise his head again, but when he didn't, he reached out and tipped the chin of the other Elf gently up with two fingers.
“Look at me,” he commanded gently. ”I do not care what you are forced to do. You are under the spell; that is the reason why you cannot die, as you surely would if you had been forced through this without the curse. It has nothing to do with your worthiness, nor is it a rejection of the Valar; it is a side effect of that damnable curse. And you weren't all that willing to submit your body from the start, were you?”
Legolas' gaze faltered again and he blushed deeply. He bit his lips. The girl!....
Tonelessly, he answered: “No, I wasn't.” Then, after a moment, he continued in the same, flat tone: “Forgive, My Lord! I... spoke out of line. I request punishment, if you would grace me with it...”
Glorfindel looked at him another moment with regret and pity, then he sighed and shook his head again.
“No, Greenleaf! You did not speak out of line and I am not here to punish you! I understand that you have trouble to adjusting to your new fate, but there is nothing dishonorable in that. It would be alarming were it different! And I do not mock you when I say that I respect you. I understand sacrifice, and I understand that you gave yourself into slavery as a hostage to avert Elrond's threat to kill your father and burn down your home to the last of your people. It takes great courage to do that, even if you did not fully realize what it would include at the time. You knew enough. Truly, it is one thing to die in battle for your people to save the innocents from an overwhelming enemy or to cover their flight to safety. It takes strength and courage, but it lasts only a moment, or even a few days, and then it is over. But to willingly embrace slavery and humiliation to protect those who you love, possibly forever, without even the prospect of release in death, that takes more than courage. It is a sacrifice of the highest order. How could I not respect that?”
He shook his head, looking sadly at the younger elf, who stared at him with gaping mouth.
“Don't give up on yourself, Greenleaf. There is more strength within you than you know and see right now. I can foretell you have a destiny yet to fulfill. Do not let yourself be broken by a cruel spell that forces on you needs and feelings you have no control to stop or stem, and by circumstances that forbid you to fight lest you risk the suffering and pain of others.”
Legolas stared at him, still disbelieving, then his face became awash in pain and he bowed his head again.
“No, My Lord, I do not deserve your respect or praise,” he said sadly, “not after what I did to that poor girl.”
Glorfindel looked at him for a moment, sadly and with dismay, then he shook his head and sighed. Without any judgment, he asked simply: “Did you mutilate her?”
Legolas head shot up, startled. Then he shuddered and bowed it down again. “Not with my own hands,” he said, “but...”He sighed. “It was I who caused her torture. It was my deed Elrond avenged on her! I could as well have blinded her myself, for I am responsible for her suffering.”
Glorfindel shook his head again. “Did you know Elrond would do this to her?” he patiently asked.
Legolas went pale and looked up again. “Nay!” he exclaimed. “Nay!!! I'd never have expected...”
Then he swallowed harshly and looked down again. “But I should have,” he added crestfallen, “shouldn't I? Elrond warned me, after all, that whatever I did would have consequences for the other hostages. I should have known he would punish others for my deeds as well!”
Glorfindel looked grim. His face was a harshly controlled mask of anger. What a well-wrought trap Elrond had set for these Elves, especially this young one, and how truly evilly the Lord of Rivendell had thought it out! It took him visible effort to control his voice and his features.
Very carefully, he said: “But did you expect him to do what he has done?”
Legolas despondently shook his head. “What does it matter?” he replied bitterly, “He still blinded her!”
Then, after a moment, he added: “No, I never thought he would go after that girl. I thought he would punish me, mayhap one of the other warriors taken hostage together with me, but this...”
He shook his head.
Glorfindel nodded grimly. “And you knew you, as well as the warriors among your fellow hostages, were ready to take whatever punishment Elrond would mete out on them for your defiance,” he concluded. “You are a warrior, yourself; that you would not suffer abuse meekly without any attempt to retaliate sooner or later was to be expected. And if you had, one of the other warriors among the hostages likely would have put up a fight. You expected to be punished, you even expected one of them to suffer for your deed; and each and every one of your fellow warriors would have gladly paid the price for defiance as well as you.”
Legolas looked at him, disbelievingly. The Noldor Lord didn't agree with Lord Elrond? He didn't think the punishment meted out on the hostages just? -- But somehow, Legolas would have been astonished and disappointed, had Glorfindel reacted otherwise. He had come to respect the Noldor Lord a lot, and he placed trust in him.
Still, he had to disagree. “Not this price!” he objected.
Glorfindel nodded grimly. “Which is precisely why Elrond chose to hurt the girl,” he said. “Nothing else would have been as effective in keeping you and your fellow warriors in line. You are not prepared to risk harming the innocent by your actions. Had you not rebelled as you did, had it been one of the others, he would likely have used her to make an example, anyway.”
Legolas stared at him, frozen in horror. “You mean... he planned this?!” he asked, baffled. Then, an even more horrible thought sprang to his mind: “Does he do something like this every time our people have to give him hostages?”
Up to this point, he had thought his careless action, which had hurt the girl, unforgivable. But now he feared that there were a lot more sadly mutilated Elves of his home, cruelly punished to keep the new hostages in line.
Glorfindel bowed his head. His face showed pain.
“No... not exactly,” he reassured the younger Elf. “He was exceptionally cruel this last time. But yes, every time Rivendell takes new hostages, inevitably one of them rebels, and then not only the one who rebels but all the others are punished. And most of the time, Elrond chooses one of the new hostages who did nothing wrong to be punished most severely as an example for the others, although, normally, he refrains from doing lasting harm.”
He sighed. The topic was extremely shameful and painful for him, too. “At least in the body,” he concluded finally, grimly. “I am sorry.”
After a moment he looked up and forced himself to meet the eyes of the young prince again.
“In your case, he made a point of telling the story of your offense and of the girl's punishment to each and every one of your fellow hostages,” he continued. “As you can imagine, it served well to keep them in line.”
Legolas stared at him with burning eyes, then he bowed his head. “I can imagine,” he said tonelessly.
Glorfindel took a deep breath that came out as another sigh. “Yes, but if I am not very mistaken, the effect of this was somewhat different than Elrond intended. I am not so sure you would find the other hostages loathing you, if you were to talk to them,” he said.
Then he reached out and dared to place a hand on the other Elf's shoulder. As he had expected. Legolas flinched,but Glorfindel did not retract his hand, nor did he do anything else than give the shoulder of the younger Elf a reassuring squeeze.
“It wasn't you,” he said. “It was Lord Elrond, who did this harm. Of course you cannot risk for anything like this to happen again, but your self-recrimination about it is needless and misplaced. It was not you!”
The younger Elf trembled under his touch. But finally, after long moments, he hesitantly nodded. Glorfindel nodded back and retracted his hand.
Very slowly, Legolas looked up and met his gaze. “Thank you, My Lord,” he managed.
Then, keeping his voice deliberately neutral, he asked carefully: “Would you tell me, My Lord, how it came about that a warrior and lord like you is serving... Lord Elrond?”
He could not keep the loathing and hatred completely out of his voice when he said Elrond's name, although he made an effort. After all, however understanding Glorfindel might be, Legolas could not afford to forget his position. He was a slave, and Glorfindel was still Elrond's seneschal. Legolas could not afford to alienate the benevolent Noldor Lord by openly insulting his liege-lord in his presence.
Glorfindel just stared at him blankly for a moment.
“He's my liege-lord, as I thought you knew,” he said.
Legolas just stared back at him for a moment, then his face went blank. Dejected, he bowed his head and said, just as he had been taught: “Forgive me, My Lord, I was out of line. I... I request punishment, if you would grace me with it.”
Glorfindel looked at him for a moment, then he took pity on him.
“It's a long story,” he said simply. “I am bound to him by oath. You see, I am bound to serve and protect him and his line, no matter what, though unfortunately I failed in this, since I could not protect him from... from becoming what he is now.”
He shook his head again, his eyes dark with regret and sorrow.
“So all I can do now is trying to lessen...” he stopped himself and ceased speaking.
Very hesitantly, Legolas looked up again, meeting the kind, but sorrowful eyes of the Noldor Lord.
Startled and somewhat disbelievingly he asked: “You swore an oath... to Lord Elrond?”
Again he barely managed to keep the loathing out of his voice as he spoke the hated Elf-Lord's name.
Glorfindel raised a brow at his tone but did not sanction him. He shook his head again.
“No, not to Lord Elrond, at least not at the start,” he explained. “As I said, it is a long story. How much do you know about the history of Gondolin, Little One?”
Legolas stared at him blankly. He had been taught Elven history, of course, but the fights of the Noldor in the First Age were not among his favorite and most intensely studied lessons. He was well versed in the history of Doriath, but Gondolin... something clicked inside his head. “It was a Noldor city in the First Age,” he recited, “long time completely hidden, then betrayed and overrun by Morgoth. The fugitives of that city dwelt for a time at the Mouth of Sirion together with the survivors of Doriath.” His eyes widened. “You are... you've been there?” he asked then. “You are from Gondolin?”
Glorfindel quirked his mouth. Obviously the Mirkwood Elves were among the last few Elves in Middle Earth who did not know - or did not care for - the great story of his slaying of a Balrog, his death and rebirth. What a nice change.
Unfortunately he could not leave it that way.
“Originally, yes,” he allowed. “I was a captain of king Turgon's guard; he was the king of Gondolin. He had a beautiful daughter: Idril Celebrindal. She was his only child. And I was one of her many suitor'.”
Legolas looked at him blankly, asking himself where this might lead. He was sore and weary,and the earlier abuse was catching up with him. Still, he was eager to learn more about the benevolent Noldor Lord who had become his one source of strength and consolation lately.
“Did she give her heart to you?” he asked. But in the back of his mind, he remembered something that didn't fit here. Maeglin. Had it not been Maeglin who desired Gondolin's heiress but got rejected? And afterwards betrayed the city out of spite? But Idril did not marry an Elf, she married...
Legolas blanched when suddenly the tale came back to him. Glorfindel saw it and nodded.
“No,” he explained regretfully, “she loved another. A mortal, one of the Edain. She even married him! I was heartbroken. But I was so hopelessly in love with her that I swore to her at her wedding I would always protect her and her line, no matter what, as long as I was capable of doing so.”
He sighed. “So you see...”
“Tuor,” Legolas finally recalled from the long history lessons of his childhood. “Idril married Tuor, one of the Edain. Her son was Earendil, who married Elwing, daughter of Dior Eluchir, the son of Luthien (1). And Earendil's and Elwing's sons were...”
“Elros and Elrond,” Glorfindel nodded. “Elros chose a mortal fate, Elrond chose the fate of the Eldar. Elrond remains. And I am bound by my oath to protect him.”
Legolas looked at him in awe and sudden realization. “You are Glorfindel of Gondolin!” he exclaimed, remembering the valorous stories he had loved to read as child, “The Balrog Slayer!”
Then he drew his brows together, looking confused. “But... I thought... you died!”
Glorfindel cocked his head. “I slew the Balrog. I attacked it and toppled it off the mountain. And yes, in doing so, I died. The fall killed us both, and I went to Mandos. But the Valar decided I had not yet fulfilled my destiny. They clothed me again in flesh and send me back so I could fulfill my oath.”
Legolas stared at him.
“To protect Elrond,” he finished.
“To protect Idril's descendants and line,” Glorfindel corrected. “And I failed in this duty with Elrond, since he got touched by the shadow. Elrond was not always like this.”
He stopped, then concluded sadly: ”But I deem that of no great consolation to you.”
The slave held his gaze for another moment, then he looked down. “It is not,” he acknowledged.
Glorfindel just nodded. Then he reached out again and placed his hand lightly on the younger Elf's shoulder. “Just remember that in all your deeds, you may fail even through no fault of yours. And still, even while you fail, your deed itself may stay a noble one. Do not condemn yourself too eagerly. Remember that you did what you did to save your people, and do not allow yourself to be broken. You may yet have a fate to fulfill.”
With that, he packed his things, got up and left Legolas with a lot to think about. / //
Legolas blinked, banishing the vivid memory. Quickly, he looked around, reassuring himself that all was well and no danger had approached the fellowship unnoticed. Sighing, he stretched his limbs.
Yes, he owed a lot to Glorfindel. In fact, the confession of the Noldor Lord had done nothing to lessen Legolas' respect for him; instead, after a few days, he was glad that the Rivendell warrior had confided in him and thereby proved his respect to him. This respect and confidence, as well as the sheer distraction of thinking about Glorfindel's story, greatly helped him through the following days of rape and abuse, until the need killed all conscious thought in him.
Later, when Elrohir and Elladan took exclusive ownership of him and allowed him to walk around the camp freely, he discovered to his astonishment that Glorfindel had been right with his assessment of the other hostages. Most of the other hostages did not hate or despise him, or even blame him for what had happened with the girl. Most of the warriors among the other slaves even praised the fact that he had not easily caved in, although they all agreed none of them could risk another deed of rebellion. Instead they blamed Elrond. Elrond's telling of Legolas deed and the punishment for it had only succeeded in causing the other hostages to hate and despise the Lord of Rivendell even more completely than they did before.
Legolas did not dare to speak with the girl, though.
He also learned to his astonishment that Elrohir and Elladan were nothing like their father. They were cruel, yes, and they were inventive, and they trained him very thoroughly as their personal pleasure slave. And they liked cruel, prolonged bed-games of torture and pleasure mixed with pain and humiliation. Yet they did not try to break him, but instead coaxed him slowly, but patiently into showing his thoughts and feelings again, even encouraging him to think on his own. They did not want a mindless, broken slave, they wanted a person in their bed, even if they amused themselves in treating that person as their pet. And they did not share him with others, except with Glorfindel. Legolas suspected that the twins knew very well Glorfindel did not use their slave for his own pleasure, but instead used the time to heal and encourage their 'pet'.
But if they knew, they kept a blind eye to that. Apparently they thought if Glorfindel could improve Legolas stability, they would benefit from that as well.
In fact, as much as Legolas came to loathe and fear his new masters and their games, Elladan and Elrohir effectively protected their new slave from Elrond's cruel whims. When Legolas finally came to Rivendell he had almost – almost! - resigned himself to his fate.
That was when he met Estel.
Legolas smiled sadly while he remembered the slightly rocky start of their relationship. He had been sore from riding; Elladan and Elrohir had amused themselves with using a riding crop on him until he was hurting badly the evening before, and forcing him to ride a bony horse the whole next day. He was tired, he was sore, and Elrohir held the lash to his bound wrists as well as the bridle of his horse. He was not allowed to direct the beast himself, of course.
That was the way he first rode through the gates of Rivendell, and he was just glad that they had arrived and the long travel of the day was over. Then, a sudden whirlwind in form of a boy ran down the path and nearly bumped into Elladan's horse.
____________ o _____________
-- TBC --
(1)he whole little foray into the history of Gondolin and Doriath (the Sindar realm of the First Age) as well as the genealogy of Elrond's line is based on the Silmarillion, by J.R.R. Tolkien,edited by Christopher Tolkien, Harper Collins Paperback Edition 1999, pp. 143-295 and the tables of the houses of Finwe and Olwe pp. 367 -368. However, the idea that Glorfindel swore an oath to protect Idril's descendants because he was in love with her is purely my invention.
Luthien, the mother of Dior Eluchir, is of course Luthien of Doriath, daughter of Elu Thingol, high king of the Sindar Elves in the First Age, who was slain by Dwarves before Doriath fell, and Melian the Maia. Luthien married the mortal man Beren and became mortal herself. She and Idril are both forebears of Aragorn and Arwen.
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.