Stuff 'n Nonsense: 8. ~Gandalf's Pep Talks~

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8. ~Gandalf's Pep Talks~

                                         ~*~GANDALF'S PEP TALKS~*~

Gandalf: Samwise, my lad, when are you going to wake up and realize the world does NOT revolve around YOU?? Stop snivelling about all your own wants and needs and try thinking of your master for a change, you selfish slug!!!!

Gandalf: C'mon Aragorn, don't be such a wuss--it's just a bunch of dead guys! What can a hoard of ghosts do to you? Stop shivering in your boots and sharpen that sword and hike your wimpy butt out there prontissimo....

Gandalf: Eowyn, you little priss, can't you ever just stop primping and get some backbone? Forget about your nails and get on your horse and farewell those men! Call yourself a princess? You're too goody-goody even to wring the neck of a chicken!

Gandalf: Pippin, relax, my good fellow...loosen up!  Here, have a sandwich, what are you, watching your figure or something? Bah!!! Go ahead and look into that crystal ball, you just may get a pleasant surprise....

Gandalf: Bilbo, you're the life of the party, a total crack-up! That disappearing thing was the cat's pajamas! What will you think of next?

Gandalf: Legolas...two words: target practice!

Gandalf: C'mon Boromir, you know if you want something you just have to reach out and take it! You think somebody's just going to hand it to you on a plate? Hah!! Look at him, he's half your size, what the @#$%^&*!! can he do to you? Go on--take the ring!

Gandalf: Eomer, you should know better than to defy your uncle's counselor! Why, look at him...doesn't he have a face you can trust?

Gandalf: Faramir, listen to your father, he knows what's best!

Gandalf: Arwen, what can you possibly see in Aragorn? He's not much to look at, he's so irritatingly fastidious in his grooming habits, he's afraid of his shadow, and he can't keep his eyes off the wenches, especially the blondes *wink* You'd do much better to listen to your father and blow off that womanizing milquetoast dandy, my dear!

Gandalf: Saruman, I think you're right, who are we to be at odds with Sauron? After all, he's been around longer than we have, it stands to reason that he's so much wiser! Yes, of course we should join with him...think of the perks.......

Gandalf: Gimli, stop swinging that axe around, son...you're liable to hurt somebody!

Gandalf: Frodo, I'm outa here--I need to find somebody cuter to hang out with!


This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Armariel

Status: General

Completion: Ongoing Serial

Era: Multi-Age

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 09/24/09

Original Post: 09/08/07

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