Crack stories or Legolas vs. Me: 2. 2.

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2. 2.

Crack Stories of Legolas vs. Me

Humor/parody ficlets

Beta: Aranel

Summary: It was all Legolas' fault; he should have known that he should not taunt the author, but I guess he did not know…

A/N: Written in the cheerful spirit of the coming holidays– even sacrificing sleep to continue in the early hours of the night/morning.



Legolas stared at the author with fear in his blue eyes, clearly not wishing to lose his father to the author. He opened his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by his father, who appeared by his side with a wooden sword.

"I will not let you touch my son in any of those angst plots you have for him." Thranduil let the author know that fact, while moving his sword closer to her.

And then, he noticed for the first time that his sword no longer had its the steel blade.

"I want my sword back!" The king exclaimed, while shooting glares toward the author.

"And all I wanted is to torture your son for a while, unless you want to do the job…" She warned the king.

Thranduil looked between her and his son, not knowing what happened between them. "Legolas… what did you do?" He asked.

"Nothing…" Legolas offered in answer to his father.

"Nothing? I do not believe that!" Thranduil said, the anger quickly seen in his face, causing Legolas to take a step backward, albeit closer to the author. "What did you do to make the author take you away from me again? Is it not enough what she did to you in her NaNo story?"

"I did nothing, if that is what were you referring to, King Thranduil." The author told the king with a slight grin on her face.

He glared at her instead and asked, "How can you say that you did nothing? Have you seen the shape of my son, after you tortured him in almost every story of yours?"

"I have seen it all; after all, I was getting him to see a healer, was I not?" She asked innocently.

"And why did you kill me in one story? I know that you killed my son as well, in another story." Thranduil grumbled, remembering the time his son did not come back from the war.

The author sighed heavily, before she moved her pen toward Thranduil and cut his wooden sword into two pieces before telling him what was on her mind, "Not in one story, and if you recall, you were responsible for your son's death in one particular story, so do not come and threaten me!"

Legolas stared at his father as he did remember that – how could he not?

"She is right, you know…" Legolas told him.

Meanwhile, the author had started to move her pen toward the blank page that was now slowly filling up.

"What are you writing?" Thranduil questioned, while keeping his son behind him to protect him.

"What do you think?" She asked without letting her eyes leave her writing.

"Can you at least take me instead? I do not want my son hurt anymore." Thranduil requested.


This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: SivanShemesh

Status: General

Completion: Work in Progress

Era: Multi-Age

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 01/26/09

Original Post: 01/13/09

Go to Crack stories or Legolas vs. Me overview


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