3. The Elven Way
Title: The Elven Way
Author: Linda Hoyland
Characters/Pairing: Pippin, Legolas, Aragorn, Galadriel
Word count: 831
A gift for all my LJ friends who wanted more than a mention of naked Elves! Written purely for fun and not to be taken too seriously.
Pippin was alarmed to hear raised voices as he walked through one of Lothlórien's leafy glades one morning. He rounded the bend in the path and came across Legolas locked in a fierce argument with one of the Lothlórien Elves.
"You will not insult my mother!" cried Legolas.
"And you will not insult my father" snapped the other Elf.
"What is the meaning of this?" As if by magic Galadriel appeared seemingly out of nowhere. "I sense discord within my realm," she said sternly. "Apologise to each other!"
"My apologies, lady, but I cannot," said Legolas.
"Neither can I," said the other Elf.
"We will settle this in the traditional fashion then," said Galadriel. "Legolas and Findir do you consent?"
Both Elves bowed their heads. "We do, lady."
"I will see you in the place of combat this afternoon then. "With that she turned and swept away.
"Um, what is the traditional fashion, Legolas?" Pippin asked apprehensively. "You're not going to fight are you?"
"We wrestle so that honour might be satisfied without the spilling of blood," said Legolas.
Reassured, Pippin went in search of the other Hobbits.
That afternoon the Fellowship, together with a group of Lothlórien Elves, assembled around a flat grassy area beneath two great trees awaiting the combatants. A chair had been brought for Galadriel. She sat there like a Queen, surrounded by her handmaidens.
Pippin was surprised that when Legolas and Findir appeared they were clad in garments that resembled dressing gowns. At a signal from Galadriel they cast aside the robes. To Pippin's astonishment, they were stark naked beneath them!
"They're not wearing any clothes!" he gasped.
"It is the custom amongst Elves," said Aragorn, who stood beside him. "It prevents them from getting a grip on each others garments."
Gimli snorted. "I always knew Elves lacked sense!" he said.
"We wrestle in Gondor but not like this!" Boromir said disapprovingly.
Deeply shocked, Frodo and Sam covered their eyes with their hands.
Only Aragorn showed no reaction. He watched impassively, as if bored by the whole proceedings.
The watching male Elves discussed the skills of the combatants. Galadriel's ladies observed the proceedings with keen interest.
"Pip," Merry said reprovingly. "Stop staring. It is bad manners. You will catch flies with your mouth open like that!"
Despite his cousin's reproof, the young Hobbit could not help but gaze as if transfixed at the spectacle before him. Both Elves were of roughly equal height with a lithe graceful build. They were perfectly proportioned in every respect, just like the statues he had seen at Rivendell. Unlike Hobbits, their bodies seemed to be made entirely of lean muscle without a trace of surplus flesh anywhere. Their skins too, were perfect without a single spot or blemish. Both had covered themselves in oil and they gleamed in the weak afternoon sunlight. Pippin had always thought Elves looked a bit girlish, but now he could see they were completely masculine, in every contour of their firm flesh, despite their flowing golden hair. If males should be said to beautiful, these two were.
The two Elven bodies were now entwined, at first as if in a graceful dance which quickly became a frenzied jumble of arms and legs.
"Come on, Legolas!" cried Gimli. "You show him, laddie!"
The four Hobbits echoed him and shouted encouragement to their friend.
The afternoon sun began to fade and still the combatants wrestled. Then suddenly Legolas managed to get a grip on his opponent and threw him to the ground.
"I proclaim Legolas Thranduilion the victor." said Galadriel.
"I yield," said Findir. "Honour is satisfied."
Findir scrambled to his feet and shook Legolas' hand. Without a trace of self consciousness the two bowed to Galadriel as if clad in their best finery. Then without bothering to don their robes the two sauntered off towards the bathhouse with the garments draped casually over their arms.
"I have a salve if you are bruised," Aragorn called after Legolas. The Ranger then turned to Pippin. "So what do you make of the Elven fashion of settling disputes?" he asked. "I noticed you were watching closely."
Pippin flushed scarlet. "It is er, different," he said. "I suppose it prevents injuries, but I'd prefer a good old fashioned Hobbit fist fight any day!"
"So would I!'" said Aragorn.
A sudden thought struck Pippin. "Strider, if you and Boromir quarrelled, would you have to wrestle naked too?"
"That would be for Lady Galadriel to decide," the Ranger said gravely. "We all need to be on our best behaviour whilst we are guests in her realm."
Pippin gulped. "Yes, of course we must," he quickly agreed.
Aragorn grinned, secure in the knowledge that Galadriel judged each race according to their custom. He clapped Pippin on the shoulder. Now let us see if the cooks have prepared us anything good to eat for supper."
Pippin nodded and followed the Ranger. Food was a far more enticing prospect than watching naked Elves wrestling!
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.