Heart of Stone: 19. Realization

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19. Realization

Haldir tossed and turned in his bed. The nightmare he was having would not let him sleep. He woke up with a start, the vivid images terrified him. The room was dim, little light passed through it. He was panting and trembling. He looked around and could not find Calavénë. Panic rose inside him. It was nearing dusk. He had slept through the entire day. What had happened? How did he not wake up? The nightmare he had replayed in his mind. In his dream he saw her leave. He felt her lips kissing him and he heard her last words, "I love you…"

He rose from bed and dressed. He walked towards the kitchen hoping to find her there. His heart sank to find his kitchen empty and cold. He searched all the other rooms in his talan to no avail. Calavénë had left and the images in his dreams flashed before his eyes. She could not leave, she would not! He screamed inside his brain. He has to find her, tell her he loves her with all his being and ask her to marry him.

He ran towards Rumil and Orophin's talan. They were resting and conversing with each other. The brothers were surprised to see Haldir there. Rumil rose to greet him, "Haldir! What brings you here? Where is Calavénë?"

Haldir stopped abruptly, "You mean to say she is not here?"

Orophin approached him when he sensed Haldir's concerns, "What is the matter gwanur? Did something happen?"

Haldir had tears in his eyes. Rumil and Orophin were surprised to see their brother so distressed. Both went to his side with eyes filled with concern.

Orophin held him, "Haldir, tell us what happened? Where is Calavénë?"

Haldir sank to the ground, "I do not know where she is. I fear she might have left me… I should have told her… I should have…"

Rumil sat down beside him, "Tell her what, gwanur?"

Haldir raised his face and stared into the distance, "That I love her…"

Rumil and Orophin stayed silent. There were no words that could soothe Haldir now. Orophin persuaded Haldir to tell them what had happened. With a heavy heart, he recalled the night to them. He told them of his conversation with Mebedir then of the conversation he had with Calavénë. How he asked her to wager something so precious to her so that she would choose Mebedir instead. Rumil and Orophin did not judge but were surprised at their gwanur's demand. Haldir continued to tell them of her arrival at his talan later that night and the brothers understood that Haldir and Calavénë had consummated their love.

"I could not find her… She might have laced the wine she gave me with a sleeping draught. I only woke up and I could not find her," Haldir explained.

Rumil patted Haldir's back, "Do not worry Haldir. I am sure she is at her parents' talan. Come let us meet them. Perhaps we could also discuss your marriage to Calavénë with them."

Haldir managed to chuckle. That was Rumil. He could always bring a lighter mood to any serious situation. The three of them walked out of the talan together. Haldir prayed silently in his heart for Calavénë to be at her parents' talan. She needs to know how he felt about her. She needs to know how much he loves her. There were many things that she needed to know…


Thand sat quietly in his chair. The redness around his eyes was proof of his grief. His wife, Laugoneth was in her room, weary from her tears. He held the piece of paper loosely in his hand. He had found it in his iell's room this morning when he went to wake her. He felt that he had been harsh in his words and actions. Calavénë was a grown elleth and he knew she would not make any hasty decisions. But today, his worse fears were realised when he found the letter…

My dearest ada and nana,

Forgive me. I have chosen my path. I love you and nana very much but I love Haldir as well. There is no sure way of explaining what I feel for him. He is such a special ellon and I consider it an honour to have loved him as my first.

However I do not feel my love will be reciprocated. He adores me and is very affectionate but he wanted sometime before finally giving up his heart. However time is not something both you and nana were willing to spare for me. I respect your decision and so I have made up my mind. I will go to Haldir, that way he would have my love but worry not ada, I will not reside in Caras Galadhon any longer.

I will not bring you shame and dishonour. Forgive me. Nana told me many times before to follow my heart and it will not lead me astray. I have and I hope my future will not be as bleak. Do not try to find me ada, nana. But do not worry about me. I am resourceful. You have taught me well, ada. Take care of nana for me. She will need you to be strong when I am gone.

I will always remember the things you have taught me. I will find my place in this world and perhaps one day, we will be united once again as a family. I could only pray that you will accept me once again. I love you both.

Your iell,


Thand rose from the chair and placed the letter on the side table. His heart broke for in his mind it was his harsh treatment towards her that fuelled her actions. He regretted his actions, driving his only child away. He was about to enter his bedroom when a knock on the door halted his action. He walked towards the door and opened it. He was surprised to see the wardens so late in the day.

Haldir walked forward and bowed, "Forgive us for intruding on your evening. I am Haldir and these are my brothers, Rumil and Orophin."

Thand new who they were, "Yes, I know. Come in Marchwarden. Come in…"

The three of them sat quietly inside the talan. Orophin spoke first, "Sir, we are here to meet Calavénë. Is she here? May we see her?"

Tears fell down from Thand's eyes, "She is not here. She left…"

Haldir rose from his chair, shocked, "She left? When?"

Thand said nothing and walked towards the side table. He took the letter and handed it to Haldir. Haldir opened it and read it. Her words were sorrowful. Had he only told her of his feeling earlier, she would still be here and perhaps they would be married. He passed the letter to his brothers and walked towards the older elf.

He knelt in front of Thand, "Sir, I am your wrongdoer. Had I told her of my feelings earlier and asked her to marry me, we would not be in this predicament."

Thand looked at the Marchwarden, "No, Haldir. Part of the fault is mine as well. I did not understand what she wanted, I did not even ask. Now she is gone…"

Rumil stood up and went to the both of them, "Let us not waste time, Haldir. We should organize a search party. Perhaps she did not go far. You should consult with Lady Galadriel. She must know something."

Haldir nodded and the three brothers made their way out. Just as he was about to leave, Thand called out to him, "Haldir…"

Haldir stopped and turned to face him, "Yes sir?"

Thand walked up to him, eyes filled with hope, "Do you love her?"

Haldir looked down and the up again with a smile, "I do… very much. I will find her and I will not rest until I find her and take her as my wife. I will restore the honour in your family. I give you my word."

Thand nodded and watched as Haldir and his brothers walked away from his talan.


Calavénë walked slowly along the river. She was quite far from Caras Galadhon. She left before the sun came up and she has walked nonstop ever since. She was wearied and saddened by what she had to do to both her parents and Haldir. She did not wait for him that morning for she could not face the bitter truth. What if Haldir still did not love her even when she has given up herself for him? She was frightened by what will come to pass if she had stayed.

Cloaked in her elvish garb, she made her way cautiously. Orcs were still roaming the lands and she did not want to be caught. She wanted to reach Rivendell soon and perhaps she would be granted an audience with Lord Elrond. Night had fallen across the land and she became more alert to her surroundings. She needed to find a place to rest as soon as possible. Perhaps it was her sorrow that had began draining her life force.

The forests surrounding her were thick and dense. The air was humid and thin. Her steps were heavy and she began panting as she climbed the hills. The stars adorned the sky and the moon shone brightly. Tears fell from her eyes as she remembered the nights she spent together with Haldir. She misses him, even in this short time being away from him. Did he miss her?

Calavénë found a nice and secure place for her to camp for the night. She did not know why but her body felt different. She was too tired to travel and her eyes were heavy. She laid down her belongings and built a fire. The warmth of the fire soothed her aching muscles. She sat down and huddled her cold body. She stared into the fire. Images of her passionate lovemaking from before flickered in the fire. Truly, she missed him. His scent, his hair, his touch and his kisses, all of it. But what she truly missed was his heart. She lay down on the ground and slept, hoping that in her dreams, he would be hers.


Haldir waited outside the door to the main hall. It was late but he needed to have an audience with the Lord and Lady. After some time, he was summoned inside. He could see the Lady of Light and Lord Celebron on the throne. Also inside the hall was Mebedir. He was surprised to see his officer there but said nothing. Haldir assumed that Lady Galadriel might have summoned him here as well.

Haldir bowed down before them, "My Lord and Lady forgive me for intruding at this time of the day but we have an urgent matter at hand."

Before Haldir could continue his report, Galadriel spoke, "She left… I know, Haldir. She has made up her mind and followed her heart but the consequences were severe indeed. What do you intend to do Haldir?"

Haldir wanted to answer but Mebedir cut him off, "Forgive me my lady but why is Haldir involved in this matter? I am Calavénë's intended. I should be the one you consult with."

Galadriel rose from the throne, eyes stone cold on the officer, "You cross the line Mebedir. You should not be the one to worry about Calavénë. She is not your intended for she has refused your proposal."

Haldir looked at the officer in front of him. His face showed disappointment and shame. Mebedir bowed down, "Forgive my impertinence, my lady. I did not know. May I inquire as to why I was turned down?"

Galadriel turned her gaze towards Haldir, "Haldir is better suited to answer that question."

Haldir took a deep breath and looked at Mebedir, "She turned you down for her heart belongs to me and mine belongs to her…"

Mebedir was taken aback by the answer, "Why did you not tell me of this? Were you betrothed to her?"

Haldir looked down in shame, "No. But I intend to be, soon. I need to find her first. There have been… misunderstandings between Calavénë and me." Haldir looked at Lady Galadriel, "Could you sense her, my lady? Could you help me locate her?"

Galadriel shook her head, "I cannot Haldir. Perhaps she has gone far from Lorien or perhaps her life force is dwindling down. I cannot help you this time. It is all up to you and your brothers. Find her. I wish you all the best."

Haldir bowed before the Lord and the Lady and walked out from the hall. The sounds of footsteps following him made him turned around. Mebedir was not far behind, "What are you doing, mellon nin?"

Mebedir stopped and patted Haldir's shoulder, "I am your officer and mellon. I will help you find her. Forgive me for the other day, I did not know. If I had, I would not have asked her hand in marriage."

Haldir nodded, "There is nothing to forgive. How could you have known for I did not know myself until last night that I loved her. Come, we must hurry. Nightfall is when orcs roam free."

Both Haldir and Mebedir walked hastily to meet up with Rumil and Orophin. They needed to hurry if they want to find her. Haldir needed to hurry before something bad happens to her…


Calavénë did not know how long she slept. It was still dark but she could tell that it was close to dawn. The magpies were chirping. They always do when dawn was fast approaching. Calavénë gathered her things and extinguished the small fire that had sustained the warmth for her. She felt uneasy as if someone was following her. She looked around and saw no one. She walked to the stream nearby and took a sip of the cool water.

A voice shouting her name startled her. She looked around but saw no one. She stood up, ears cautiously aware of her surroundings. Then she heard that voice again. It was Orophin. Muttering a curse under her breath she quickly gathered her things and made her way further into the forest. She had lingered there for far too long and now Orophin had managed to catch up to her. She ran swiftly but quietly trying to avoid him. She knew Orophin was an excellent tracker. If she was not careful, she would be discovered.

She saw another warden approached Orophin. It was Rumil. Now she was fearful. Could there be a search party looking for her? She moved faster and deeper into the forest. Going back home to Lorien was not an option. She was not ready to face Haldir and her parents. Her only hope right now was to reach Rivendell and seek refuge there. She quickened her pace not wanting to run into Rumil and Orophin. Calavénë was deeply hurt. Haldir did not come to find her. Her decision to leave Lorien was indeed the best solution. With tears in her eyes, she forged on.


Rumil climbed the small hill and found traces of embers still burning. He called out to Orophin, "Fin, this fire is still new. She must not be far. Call out to her…"

Orophin knelt down beside his gwanur, "I do not think she wants to be found Rumil. She is heartbroken and hurt. The last person she wants to see right now will be us and Haldir. I fear that things have escalated well out of bounds for both of them. She is grieved by her predicament and I sensed her fea weakening. If Haldir does not find her and tell her of his love, she will succumb to the elven sickness."

Rumil nodded. What Orophin said was the truth. Elves would pass to the Halls of Mandos when two things happen to them; a fatal blow with a weapon or by a grieving heart. He could understand why she is grieved. All that he can hope for was for her not to lose hope and lose sight of what was important.


Calavénë walked on the rocky path slowly. Her body was weakening and she did not know why. She had to stop for air and she was constantly glancing back to see whether the brothers had caught up with her. It was nice to see Rumil and Orophin in a way. She did not say her farewell to them nor did she say a word to Haldir. It was her parents that she left a letter to. She hoped one day they would find it in their hearts to forgive her. Her mind wandered to Haldir. What was he doing now? Did he really not care for her?

Her reverie was cut short when she heard another familiar voice calling out to her. She looked around and saw Mebedir! She was stunned to see the warden here, looking for her. In her heart she felt the remorse of treating him thus. Mebedir deserved a better elleth, not her. She turned around and walked faster, trying to get away from him.

She glanced back and saw Mebedir kneeling down, examining something on the ground. She shook her head. She should have been more thorough. She should have covered her tracks. Now was not the time to dwell on her shortcomings. She needed to get away fast and far away. Today she saw Rumil and Orophin. She also saw Mebedir. But what she did not see was Haldir approaching Mebedir.

Haldir stood next to Mebedir, "Rumil told me that he and Fin found a recently extinguished fire. She must be close by. She hides herself well."

Mebedir nodded, "Yes, she does. She is stealthy too. It will be hard to find her. Haldir, she might have travelled further away from here…"

Haldir shook his head, "No. She is somewhere around here. I can sense her. I can feel her…"

Haldir's gaze scanned the forest. She was here, he knew she was. He will not rest until she is safely in his arms again, making love to him. He will not rest. He will not rest…

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: luthien85

Status: General

Completion: Complete

Era: 3rd Age - Ring War

Genre: Romance

Rating: Adult

Last Updated: 08/15/10

Original Post: 06/21/10

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