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105 Comments

 
 

The Princess and the Horse Lord

oshun - 04 Feb 06 - 5:30 PM

General Comment

Thank you so much for your challenging (as usual) comments on the story. First on Plot: 1) I am not 100% sure at this point that Eomer recognizes Lothiriel. 2) Imrahil arrives in Minas Tirith a few days before the Battle of Pelennor fields and I simply decided that she came and was put to work (by choice) when she got there. She wasn't any woman, but the motherless only daughter of four children of a warrior prince.

On Sindarin: IMO he would not necessarily have considered it first and foremost a language of Elves. See my updated (based on your points) Author's Notes chapter for more on use of Sindarin by men at that time.

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Ti'ana Luthien - 22 Feb 06 - 8:10 AM

General Comment

Well, I've finally read every chapter thus far - and may I say that I am continuing to enjoy it immensely? This is really well done, oshun; I love the way you've expanded Eomer & Lothiriel, and yes, I continue to like your Faramir. And your Eowyn. :D I look forward to seeing more.

Cheers,

Ti :)

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oshun - 22 Feb 06 - 12:32 PM

General Comment

Thank you so much for your comments. I am hoping to post again very soon. I have two chapters almost ready, which still need some revisions. These characters are demanding and seem to require more and more thought.

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telpethoniel - 10 Apr 06 - 3:18 AM

General Comment

this story is exquisite! I get that nagging feeling when I know I'm gonna be reading it soon, like I want it to come sooner :D

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telpethoniel - 10 Apr 06 - 3:27 AM

General Comment

Please write more...we must have more...this story is engrossing! I want to find out what happens :D

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telpethoniel - 13 Apr 06 - 2:53 AM

General Comment

Awesome! I could read this story forever, it's my fave on this site!

More more! we want more!

When are they going to be married?

THe language is soooo engaging

I've found nothing yet that I would clasify as Adult which you have specified, are you perhaps hanging out for the wedding night ;) :D

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The Princess and the Horse Lord

telpethoniel - 31 May 06 - 3:25 AM

General Comment

*squeals uncontrolably*  Another chapter!!!!

I sooooooo love your stories!!!

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The Princess and the Horse Lord

oshun - 01 Jun 06 - 2:53 AM

General Comment

telpethoniel:

Thanks for the enthusiastic comments and for reading. I should be posting a new chapter within a week or so.

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Pen 52 - 08 Jun 06 - 7:11 PM

General Comment

First of all, I would like to thank you for a wonderful reading experience. Your novel interpretation of cannon characters had me quite literally on the edge of my seat during my read.

This is not how I ever imagined Eomer and Lothriel's betrothal to be and, believe me, this is a good thing. You gave their story depth and meaning; passion, as well as love.

And there I was, all this time, thinking their marriage was more of a political arrangement then case of love at first sight. Well, you proved me wrong.

And the love triangle bit between the two of them and Ellohir was inspired.

By the way, I must say that your writing style has me a bit green with envy. Really smooth and flowing.

Great job.

Looking forward to the next installment.

Pen 52 

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oshun - 08 Jun 06 - 10:09 PM

General Comment

Thank you so much for the comment. I am glad that you like the story. The sport for me is try to have fun with story, while taking my research seriously--

Thanks--Oshun

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telpethoniel - 25 Dec 06 - 5:35 PM

General Comment

*taps foot impatiently for next chapter Wink *

I'm in love with this story!  ROTFLMAOWave

What do I click to get this story into this site's equivalent of a hall of fame? 

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Gandalfs apprentice - 02 Feb 06 - 8:30 AM

Ch. 1: The Houses of Healing

Hi, oshun: A promising beginning. Are you planning to have Lothiriel and Eowyn meet while they await the news from the Black Gate?

Gandalfs apprentice 

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oshun - 02 Feb 06 - 9:38 AM

Ch. 1: The Houses of Healing

It is intended to be short but I will have time to write about Eowyn and Faramir before the Armies of the West return to Minas Tirith. I intend to use the cultural differences/expectations between the South of Gondor and Rohan to delay a bit the discovery by Eomer and Lothíriel of who the other one is, e.g., she doesn't see a King as being so familiar with his men and so unpretentious. I think Eowyn may figure out who the mystery man is before Lothíriel and Faramir do--I am still chewing on that idea.

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Ti'ana Luthien - 16 Feb 06 - 11:52 AM

Ch. 1: The Houses of Healing

This a different portrayal of Lothiriel from the way I'm used to seeing her - and I like it very much! Your writing is beautiful and I genuinely feel the connection between Eomer and Lothiriel - and I like how neither knows who the other is. You characters truly come alive.

Bottom line: A *very* interesting beginning. You have hooked me!

 Cheers,

Ti :) 

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Bardess - 06 Feb 06 - 2:04 PM

Ch. 2: Of Banners and Standards

Oh, very nice.  Lothiriel is a credible character. You recongized the validity and probability of "oh what the hell, take a chance" relationships springing up in deparate times. Now you are bringing Lothiriel back to her sociopolitial mileiu and reminding us that she is quite young and in need of some reassurance. 

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oshun - 06 Feb 06 - 8:41 PM

Ch. 2: Of Banners and Standards

Bardess,

Thanks for the comments. I am glad the characterization works for you. More to come soon...

Oshun

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Ti'ana Luthien - 16 Feb 06 - 11:59 AM

Ch. 2: Of Banners and Standards

Several things...

Firstly: I love Ioreth's cameo. She's so much fun to write and read :)

Faramir: Whee! As something a Faramir fanatic (*cough*) not only do I thank you for including him, but I thank you for writing him so well. The last line of the chapter spoken by my favourite Steward is just...perfect. Hennaid :)

Thirdly, I love the way you sometimes shift into Lothiriel's point of view. It helps to flesh her out all the more.

Cheers,

Ti :) 

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oshun - 16 Feb 06 - 1:23 PM

Ch. 2: Of Banners and Standards

Ti'ana Luthien,

Thank you. I am glad you like the story and the characters--there is more of Faramir--hope you continue to like him. More of Ioreth too--one more chapter in the Houses of Healing. Sorry, I can't respond in the Noble Tongue. (My Éomer and Lothíriel can get it on in Elvish, but unfortunately I am linguistically deprived!) but once again, thank you (or if you prefer, Hennaid, mellon nîn—there I've no doubt extended my competence). Oshun

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Dawn Felagund - 21 Dec 06 - 7:37 AM

Ch. 2: Of Banners and Standards

Hi, Oshun,

I've started it! And I really like it so far; your technique of mixing third person with Lothiriel's first-person recollections is something I'd never seen before, but it works really well for me. :) This is one of the first stories about Gondor that I've read, but I do love the cultural details that you've thrown in. I look forward to reading more!

Best wishes,

Dawn

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Bardess - 14 Feb 06 - 1:01 PM

Ch. 3: Waiting in the Shadow of Doom

I was wondering if anyone at the houses of healing would start to lose patience with Eowyn's self pity and brooding. 

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oshun - 14 Feb 06 - 2:14 PM

Ch. 3: Waiting in the Shadow of Doom

Hey Bardess:

Thanks for the note. It was satisfying, but she does get better press in upcoming chapters. Thanks for following the story.

Oshun

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Gilnaur - 09 Oct 06 - 10:51 AM

Ch. 3: Waiting in the Shadow of Doom

I like the way this is developing, although like Lothiriel I would like to shake Eowyn.

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oshun - 10 Oct 06 - 10:35 AM

Ch. 3: Waiting in the Shadow of Doom

Thanks for reading, Gilnaur. Eowyn's going through a bad patch there! LOL. She does get easier to take, although not what I'd call easy.

Oshun

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Bardess - 26 Feb 06 - 3:39 PM

Ch. 4: At the Morannon

The pre battle banter is 'Shakespearean,' but I am not sure it serves a direct purpose in the direct plotlilne of getting Eomer and Lothiriel together.  The nuggets I picked out of the fireside chat were 1. Amrothos looked vaguely familiar and 2. Imrahil had a 'prince to prince' chat with young Eomer as an equal.  His stock is rising.

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oshun - 26 Feb 06 - 4:59 PM

Ch. 4: At the Morannon

Bardess:

  Thanks for your thoughts on the "Morannon" chapter as well. In regard to your point: The pre battle banter is 'Shakespearean,' but I am not sure it serves a direct purpose in the direct plotline of getting Eomer and Lothiriel together.

Someone complained about the segment being bawdy-without-point, another reader told me that she thought she would have been thinking of her home and family. I told her that I probably would have been too, but my point was that these young men found that too painful, so they used this banter as distraction.

Moving the story along per se was not my intent here; I wanted to use the segment to frame a particular time and place and convey a sense of the reality of experience itself from Éomer's POV. It is also useful to me as a small introduction to Lothíriel's brothers as individuals. You must know by now how much I respect your comments. But I like this chapter and we will have to agree to disagree on this point. (Please don't stop commenting—in my author's notes, I refer to you specifically as one of my readers who tries to "keep me honest." And I don't want to lose that.)

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Ti'ana Luthien - 24 Feb 06 - 10:34 AM

Ch. 5: In Dreams We Meet Again

Hi oshun!

This chapter might have been difficult for you, but I believe you mostly pulled it off. My few quibbles are minor:

The change from Eowyn's point of view to Lothiriel's doesn't flow; when it happens, you may want to widen the space between paragraphs or use asterisks to mark the change.

Secondly, this line here caught my attention as feeling rather too modern for the tone you've set and the general style of your writing:

"You may be right. I was furious earlier because poor Ioreth tried to tell me things are returning to normal, because we received a new supply of food that included eggs," Lothíriel admitted grudgingly. "But I want to stop thinking about all that.[...]"

Last, the ending feels rather abrupt (from when Lothiriel goes to ask Eowyn to journey with her to Ithilien and on), so you might want to fill it out a little more...

Apart from that, I very much enjoyed this chapter - the dream sequences were especially nice, as was the moment where you described Faramir & Eowyn's hair mingling in the wind. You took a classic moment and made it fresh - kudos!

~Ti :)

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Bardess - 26 Feb 06 - 3:51 PM

Ch. 5: In Dreams We Meet Again

I had a bit of trouble reading and noting the transition from Lothiriel's dream to Eowyn's dream.

"Suit yourself." sounds like a pretty modern phrase. How about the ubiquitous "As you wish." from The Princess Bride delivered with a bit more oomph?

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oshun - 26 Feb 06 - 4:20 PM

Ch. 5: In Dreams We Meet Again

Bardess, thanks for your useful comments.
I had a bit of trouble reading and noting the transition from Lothíriel's dream to Éowyn's dream.
You are not the only person to have complained about that particular transition. I am not sure how I will fix it at this point, but it is "on my list."
The "pretty modern phrase" you note is part of a clunker waiting for a fix--I like your advice on using as part of it "the ubiquitous 'As you wish.'"

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Ti'ana Luthien - 24 Feb 06 - 10:51 AM

Ch. 6: The Field of Cormallen

Oh, a wonderful installment oshun! The intensity that characterized your first meeting of Eomer & Lothiriel is still there, and the characterization continues to be excellent.

Specific notes:

*Imrahil's sudden gravity intrigues me - I wonder how he's going to react to all of this.

*I love your Elves!

*"Flirting with Elves, my love? I should make you pay for that." Ha! I LOVE that line!!

Nitpicks:

*I spotted Elphir and Prince Imrahil and rushed toward them.

Since this is Lothiriel's direct thought, would she think of her father as "Prince Imrahil"?

*Imrahil nodded gravely, his eyes darkening, and replied, "Of course, go for a stroll. Have your talk and enjoy the day."

Given the lines of dialogue that come before and after, this line sounds a tad too modern.

I look forward to seeing more :D

~Ti

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oshun - 24 Feb 06 - 2:06 PM

Ch. 6: The Field of Cormallen

Ti'ana, Thanks for your thoughtful comments. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. The devil is in the details!

"Imrahil nodded gravely, his eyes darkening, and replied, "Of course, go for a stroll. Have your talk and enjoy the day." Given the lines of dialogue that come before and after, this line sounds a tad too modern.

You nailed that one! (Blush) I am still stewing about how to express what he is feeling here! It would have been more honest of me to have him say, "What the heck is going on with you two? Well, go ahead, I'm not going to stop you. I'll figure out what's up later." I guess that doesn't work either?? Oh, the torture of writing! Anyway, I'll get there eventually. Thanks again and I am taking all of your points on both chapters and working through them.

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Bardess - 26 Feb 06 - 4:05 PM

Ch. 6: The Field of Cormallen

I don't think Eomer and Lothiriel should be allowed to go off on their own so quickly.  How about a bit more romantic tension and fatherly obtuseness? The phrase 'exaggerated cultural distinctions'  seems quite modern.  Love your description of the Field of Cormallen as a big fair!

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oshun - 26 Feb 06 - 4:52 PM

Ch. 6: The Field of Cormallen

Bardess:

On the Cormallen chapter, there is followup in the next chapter, relating to how Imrahil sees the development of the apparently sudden relationship. But I agree that I may need to beef up Imrahil's appreciation of the situation in this one as well--it's on my mind. I appeciate the language suggestion. I will look foward to your comments after some "clean up."

Thanks again, as always. I am glad you liked the fair.

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Gandalfs apprentice - 28 Mar 06 - 11:15 AM

Ch. 9: A Long Night

This chapter is a wonderful blend of romance, drama and humor. You use Tolkien mythology very effectively. The flashback to Finduilas and Denethor was quite moving, and done in so few words! I'm looking forward to more Eomer and Lothiriel.

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telpethoniel - 13 Apr 06 - 2:52 AM

Ch. 11: Minas Tirith - The Coronation

Awesome! I could read this story forever, it's my fave on this site!

More more! we want more!

When are they going to be married?

THe language is soooo engaging

I've found nothing yet that I would clasify as Adult which you have specified, are you perhaps hanging out for the wedding night ;) :D 

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telpethoniel - 05 May 06 - 2:01 AM

Ch. 12: After the Ball

You've outdone yourself again, soo intense

I like! 

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oshun - 05 May 06 - 1:16 PM

Ch. 12: After the Ball

Thank you, telpethoniel, for the comment. I am glad you liked it. More intensity planned in upcoming chapters, but not without humor. Thanks for reading.

Oshun

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Ailiniel - 12 Jun 11 - 2:11 PM

Ch. 12: After the Ball

Not that the previous chapters were not worth commenting,but the combination of a drunken Eleven prince turning The Fall of Gil-galad to a bawdy song and singing the song traditionally associated with Scrooge Mc Duck's lost love,a Peredhel-stricken and lonely King advicing a lovesick Peredhel and a certain...inventive princess made my day.

Wonderful job donne so far!

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Gandalfs apprentice - 06 Jun 06 - 8:08 PM

Ch. 14: The Steward and the Princess

What a delightfully hilarious chapter! Hunky Eomer, moping Elladan, and clueless Lothiriel breaking hearts right and left. Good thing Faramir comes to the rescue.

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oshun - 06 Jun 06 - 8:52 PM

Ch. 14: The Steward and the Princess

Thanks, Gandalf. Gotta love that Faramir myself. I hope others "get it"--I love all these characters. There is just too much young love, missteps and heartbreak around my house for it not to creep into the fic.

Oshun

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Bardess - 07 Jun 06 - 4:42 AM

Ch. 14: The Steward and the Princess

Lothiriel is lucky to have humorous and understanding male relatives. What a genial family.

The externalities of the sanwe-latya bond between Lothiriel and Elladan have been described.  What went on between them, in their minds?Was there a silent conversation or a feeling of drifting about in a state of romantic delight?  Did Elladan ask her to stop messing about with Eomer and run off to Rivendell with him? I would be interesting to know.  The resolution of this romance that may not be meant to be will be a chance for Lothiriel to further mature.

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oshun - 07 Jun 06 - 7:14 PM

Ch. 14: The Steward and the Princess

Was there a silent conversation or a feeling of drifting about in a state of romantic delight?  Did Elladan ask her to stop messing about with Eomer and run off to Rivendell with him?

Elladan simply communicated by thought how attracted he was and she got the message loud and clear--that could have been a pretty interesting experience though. Otherwise he pursued her in the old fashioned way--no special gifts required. My view is that he is not sure himself of where he wants it to lead--so, I do not see him asking her to run away with him. I'm going for emotional authenticity over canon on love and sex, although otherwise following it strictly. I hope the reader can maintain a sense of humor! This is not intended to be a formula romance.

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Gandalfs apprentice - 04 Jul 06 - 12:29 PM

Ch. 15: The Prince of Ithilien

Kudos, Oshun! A thoroughly engrossing chapter. All your characters are so alive, and given the sheer number of them--Lothiriel, Eomer, Eowyn, Faramir, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, just to begin--it is utterly remarkable. The celebratory atmosphere is heart-lifting, and I got as hungry as a Hobbit reading about all that food.

Most remarkable is Eomer. What a gem! Lothiriel had better not mess this one up. My only criticism is, perhaps you had better note one big difference between Aragorn and Eomer on the jealousy question: at the time, Arwen had rejected Aragorn. Eomer does not have that problem! 

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Bardess - 05 Jul 06 - 12:34 PM

Ch. 15: The Prince of Ithilien

I am really enjoying your portrayal of Eomer as a sensible, well adjusted young man. Lothiriel, the swan princess, is just as temperamental and noisy as a real swan. They both seem to be behaving in a much more mature fashion than in previous chapters.  Eliminating the tatoo episode was a good idea. It did not seem to fit into the storyline except possibly to develop Nimrodel as a 'bad influence' archetype.

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oshun - 05 Jul 06 - 8:19 PM

Ch. 15: The Prince of Ithilien

Bardess and Gandalf:

Thanks. I am glad the characters are working for you--I think I would prefer "plausible" to "mature" (although I hope Eomer appears to be the more mature of the two). I don't want anyone to get too comfortable with the concept of maturity.

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Raihon - 08 Jul 06 - 10:57 AM

Ch. 15: The Prince of Ithilien

Hiya! Fun chapter -  your love of the characters is transmitted well through the writing, leaving me with a hearty affection for them, too.

I caught one typo in this chapter:

It had been a long day and most of the company had sleep very little

- Raihon 

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oshun - 09 Jul 06 - 6:21 AM

Ch. 15: The Prince of Ithilien

Hi Raihon--thanks for reading and commenting and catching the typo!

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Bardess - 18 Jul 06 - 10:23 AM

Ch. 15: The Prince of Ithilien

Hello again,  just back from a hot, humid week in D.C.  How about the recipe for that white sauce?  It might be delicious with lobster and baby green peas.  OK, enough fooling around.  I'd like to comment on the use of the term 'of Rohan' and the word 'Rohirrim.' 

Here's the deal.  Some phrases in your novel, such as 'the rowdy Rohirrim' work very well.  Other phrases, such as 'Rohirrim riders' and 'Rohirrim directness' seem syntactically awkward.  The people of Rohan are called the Rohirrim.  Therefore the the riders of Rohan would be called Rohirrim, but not Rohirrim riders.  Did Professor T. use the word 'Rohirric' as an adjective or adverb to describe thing done in the typical manner of the people of Rohan? I can't remember, but it seems somehow to fit.

As an aside, I like your sidebar story about an absurd and drunken Legolas getting confused with weird human sexual/social behavior. You do very well with the idea of putting characters who seem to have been typecast into 'complete opposite' type situations.

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oshun - 18 Jul 06 - 10:55 AM

Ch. 15: The Prince of Ithilien

Thanks for your note on the use of Rohirrim as an adjective—it was deliberate--that doesn't make it good or right. I will keep your comment in mind. In my world, talking about food is never "fooling around." We are Hobbits when it comes to thinking about, enjoying food. A slight variation might work with lobster. (I'm waiting for someone to recognize the recipe—one reader did in a private email. A hint is that I lived in Mexico for several years.)

Glad you enjoyed my LaCE challenge story. The sweet compliant Legolas of a lot of fanon doesn't fit my conception at all; although he can hardly be seen as "canon" in the fic you refer to either—not even mine!

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Ailiniel - 12 Jun 11 - 3:18 PM

Ch. 15: The Prince of Ithilien

So many chapters at once read?Too much to bare.

I have but to agree with the comments adove,especially with G.A.Oh,and add how eager I am to read your Arwen's version,which seems really interesting.

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telpethoniel - 31 Jul 06 - 5:30 PM

Ch. 16: A Betrothal

Delightful as always! A true pleasure to read

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Bardess - 01 Aug 06 - 3:44 AM

Ch. 16: A Betrothal

Drunk or sober, Legolas is consistently very charming.  You have given Eomer an excellent foreshadowing statement;  "I fear taking away your youth...confuse lust for love ......."  Is Lothiriel going to get a chance to fall in and out of love or confuse lust for love during her trip to Lorien?  It will be interesting to see how her development progresses.

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oshun - 03 Aug 06 - 6:08 PM

Ch. 16: A Betrothal

To Telpethoniel and Bardess--thanks for the comments and following the story.
Drunk or sober, Legolas is consistently very charming.  You have given Eomer an excellent foreshadowing statement...
Relating to the above, Bardess, glad you like my Legolas--he's not so easy to do! Regarding "foreshadowing"... I won't  reveal any "spoilers" here, but I must admit you're on to me...
Thanks--Oshun

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telpethoniel - 05 Aug 06 - 5:57 AM

Ch. 16: A Betrothal

I agree with Bardess, Legolas is portrayed as more human than the etherial being we knew in the movies and I like the way you have portrayed him

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telpethoniel - 05 Aug 06 - 5:53 AM

Ch. 17: Forth Eorlingas!

YAY! That was fast, I'm totally loving this

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Bardess - 10 Aug 06 - 7:36 AM

Ch. 17: Forth Eorlingas!

What a satisfying chapter.  All of these young royals are putting serious thought into both the the form and substance of leadership.  Eomer is growing into his role as king while having the good sense to realize that he is inexperienced.  Eowyn is right, he is good at this.     The "combed, starched and following you around in your brothers' fancy shirts" comment is really quite funny. 

Two comments about grammar:

1. Personal effects (not affects) are what Lothiriel is packing and unpacking.

2. Arwen has a 'weakness' for pretty gowns.

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oshun - 10 Aug 06 - 8:51 AM

Ch. 17: Forth Eorlingas!

Bardess, thank you so much for the comments and I will get right on those typos! I am so happy when readers get the impression that I am trying to make (and, especially you, since I know you are not uncritical!). As you know from following this story, the road is never going to be smooth for this group--since I am trying to write them as young and growing and not as having hatched out of the egg fully formed into what they will become.

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Bardess - 01 Sep 06 - 4:37 PM

Ch. 18: The Golden Hall of Edoras

Of course there is a 'Hilda.'  The suspected parentage of her baby will provide the glitches that dwarf Imrahil's rather feeble objections to the Eomer/Lothiriel match. The agricultural details given early in this chapter are very well thought out. This tale definitely grows in the telling. 

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oshun - 03 Sep 06 - 4:21 PM

Ch. 18: The Golden Hall of Edoras

Thanks for commenting on the story, Bardess. I appreciate that the state in which they found Rohan worked for you--to tell the truth, I made it up. Didn't do as careful research as I often do. I've seen authors paint it even more bleak. But this is happy story! Re how much trouble Eomer is in: I usually splatter spoilers all over the place (in emails, responses to comments, story forum, etc.). Maybe I won't this time...

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Bardess - 03 Oct 06 - 1:30 PM

Ch. 19: Rohirric Tales and Troubles

You are developing a set of  interesting complications that do not bode well for a conventional happily-ever-after scenario.  There is Eomer's reluctance to take Hilda at her word.  (Oh, for heaven's sake, just take the woman at her word and keep an eye on the baby just in case there's a strong family resemblance, worthy of follow up.) The enigmatic attitudes of the  elven twins are hard to understand.  What are they getting at anyway? I hope we find out soon. 

Ah, Newtonian physics, in a pre Age of Enlightenment society!  For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction?  If this holds true Lothiriel has the potential to commit an indiscretion that will outdo anything Eomer is suspected of.  I will stay tuned!

Is 'courtlier' a word?

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oshun - 03 Oct 06 - 4:16 PM

Ch. 19: Rohirric Tales and Troubles

"Oh, for heaven's sake, just take the woman at her word and keep an eye on the baby just in case there's a strong family resemblance, worthy of follow up."

That line sounds like something my Eowyn would say--maybe I'll borrow it.

Ah, Newtonian physics, in a pre Age of Enlightenment society! 

Yes and no. It actually isn't pre-Enlightenment Europe--nor Tolkien's M.E. either (although I hope the resemblance is detailed and devoted).

Lothiriel has the potential to commit an indiscretion that will outdo anything Eomer is suspected of. 

Hey, you picked up on that! Thanks for reading and commenting.

Oshun

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Bardess - 13 Nov 06 - 1:31 PM

Ch. 20: The King's Bedchamber

In spite of her annoyance and disappointment, Lothiriel is being pretty good natured about Hilda and company. She needs to examine her own motives (and the root of her irritation) with Elladan. Once again Eomer comes away as the more mature and less conflicted of the two. Good descriptive passages about the great hall and the bedchamber.

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telpethoniel - 13 Nov 06 - 4:05 PM

Ch. 20: The King's Bedchamber

This story only gets more and more interesting, never a dull moment there Oshun! :D

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oshun - 13 Nov 06 - 5:35 PM

Ch. 20: The King's Bedchamber

Thank you, Bardess and telpethoniel, for your comments and for following the story. This to be a short stay in Rohan, barely more than a rest stop. Then, it is on Lothlórien and several already written chapters (much more frequently postings I hope).

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Jael - 21 Nov 06 - 5:08 PM

Ch. 21: Éomer and The Mearas

"Yes," Lothíriel answered. "Also the Mearah."

Beautiful!  What a treat to see a new chapter up!

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oshun - 21 Nov 06 - 5:15 PM

Ch. 21: Éomer and The Mearas

Thanks for reading Jael. I cheated a little with that bit. I used the same concept, but totally different words in a little ficlet of mine. I am trying to catch up to my already written chapters that come after this!

Oshun

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Bardess - 30 Nov 06 - 1:59 PM

Ch. 21: Éomer and The Mearas

Oh, a wry, ironic Eowyn. How charming.  The ancient ancestry of the Mearas is very interesting.  I assume it is from the History of Middle Earth.  Eomer is really growing into the idea of kingship. Your Eomer is very believable.

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Bardess - 30 Nov 06 - 2:24 PM

Ch. 22: Road to Lothlórien

Good foreshadowing!  The stage is being set for the unfolding of a great passion.  Elladan has an interesting, but honest, view of lovers remaining 'true' to one another.  Lothiriel and Elladan are engaging in an intelligent and not-so-subtle conversational dance around topics tinged with love and lust, confounded by notions of conventionsl constancy.  I laughed aloud at the comment about unrquited love as "artistic drivel invented by minstrels to gain the regard of tenderhearted young women"  Yup. That's it exactly.

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oshun - 30 Nov 06 - 4:17 PM

Ch. 22: Road to Lothlórien

Thanks, Bardess, for your comments on the last two chapters. The Mearas info is largely from UT and the Silmarillion if I remember correctly (and a lot of discussion with friends.) I was just told today that I have miscategorized this story by calling it a romance--that it is actually drama. (And I've wondered along if it might be a comedy.) I appreciate your compliment on the foreshadowing, although I thought it a bit on the heavy-handed side for such a delicate description. But thank you very much!

Oshun

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Bardess - 14 Dec 06 - 1:38 PM

Ch. 23: Heart of Elvendom

What a lovely, sensual episode. The plot could take a serious turn unexpected by anyone, excepting yourself.  I am most curious about your take on the royal Dol Amroth geneology.  Half elven?  Hmmmm. 

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oshun - 14 Dec 06 - 1:52 PM

Ch. 23: Heart of Elvendom

Thanks for reading and your comment. I use canon herein a bit like an attorney uses cites in a legal brief--I look for what I need (hence the AU label despite extensive research). Not half-elven, but things can happen in the gaps in the history. I started this story as a romance, then decided it was more romantic comedy, later soap opera/telenovela and at this point it seems to be moving into full psychological drama mode (for a few chapters at least). My main concern throughout is that it entertains.

Oshun

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telpethoniel - 16 Dec 06 - 2:21 AM

Ch. 24: Family Matters

YAY!!! Your quick! I'm totally loving this :P

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Raihon - 16 Dec 06 - 8:59 AM

Ch. 24: Family Matters

Okay, Oshun, you've got me completely hooked now. The conventional romance first half has turned into something really intriguing that I find much more compelling (though the earlier chapters were quite entertaining and engrossing on their own terms). I hope you don't lose your other readers on this turn!

Where are you going with this?!? I am extremely eager to find out. The "Feanorian misstep" line is like an itch in my brain that won't go away.

The only thing that's bugging me in these last two chapters is that you liberally switch POV, yet we have no insight into what the heck Lothiriel thinks she's doing. We get to see what's going on in everyone else's head, but we don't get to understand the motivations or reservations or concerns of the prime mover in these scenes, at least not where her key choice was concerned in the last chapter. This is frustrating and feels a little wrong to me.

Oh, an the family breakfast scene had me laughing out loud, several times. Very nice.

Patiently awaiting more,

Raihon

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oshun - 16 Dec 06 - 9:39 AM

Ch. 24: Family Matters

Raihon:

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your thoughtful comments. The first 1/3 of the next chapter is in the POVs of Elladan/Arwen. After that the next several chapters are about nothing else but Lothíriel's perspective on the personal and political mess she has made for herself. Part of the drama/comedy in these couple of chapters is that Arwen (who has cast her lot with the political reality of the new world) is the only one who seems primarily interested in such questions--the rest of them are worried about everything from Elladan's psychological well-being to ancient (family) history. There is a distinctly "real world" slant on the way that families interact and less of the epic/heroic slant that one usually finds in fantasy novels. I appreciate your comments greatly on losing readers by taking off from the formula romance genre here. I did lose readers along the way (early on), but to my pleasant surprise I have kept a lot of them and gained some new ones who would not have otherwise been particularly interested in the story.

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Bardess - 19 Jan 07 - 10:56 AM

Ch. 25: Galadriel’s Mirror

Arwen's speech about not wanting to live a half life of dreams and memories is lovely.  Galadriel is a wise and non-ethereal figure.  You have developed the Elvish family far more thoroughly than Lothieiel's family.  They are far more interesting and, dare I say, more human.

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oshun - 19 Jan 07 - 11:28 AM

Ch. 25: Galadriel’s Mirror

Thank you so much for the kind words Bardess. Two points on the elves seeming "more human": 1) the problem with a long novel, especially if it is one of the first ones, is it hopefully will get better as one moves along, which I hope, in this case, will include the characterizations getting better; 2) I've been doing a lot of work in the Silmarillion lately and the elves there seem more human to me than the men in LOTR. Lastly, it still is a WIP so I hope that I can strengthen Lothíriel's family as I go forward (and when I do some polishing on the early parts). Thanks for sticking with me on this one. Your comments are always so useful. I'm glad you liked Galadriel—she is tough. Very easy to fall into a parody of either her strengths or weaknesses. I wanted to show a bit of what I see of both without doing that.

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Bardess - 02 May 07 - 4:19 AM

Ch. 26: To Dream or To Portend

I do like your characterizations of famous Elves.  They are frequently written as quite noble and remote. Your Galadriel is a frank, outspoken middle aged woman perfectly suited to speak her mind and to mentor a younger woman with frank and pithy insights.  Her side of the Feanor and the hair story is hilarious.  Erestor and Glorfindel are much more endearing for being made to bicker like the guys in The Odd Couple.

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oshun - 02 May 07 - 9:02 AM

Ch. 26: To Dream or To Portend

Thanks, Bardess! Glad to see that you are still reading. And so happy you liked the set up of the new (old elven) characters. I will need Glorfindel and Erestor again in future plot developments and Galadriel a bit too. That was a somewhat unruly chapter, but I am moving forward for the moment. Someday...I will go back and straighten it out a bit. At the risk of showing how greedy and ungrateful I am: what did you think of Chapter 27?

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Bardess - 04 May 07 - 2:46 PM

Ch. 26: To Dream or To Portend

I will read it ASAP.  Life is coming at me pretty fast these days, and I like to take the time to read and reread thoughtfully before offering an opinion.

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oshun - 04 May 07 - 3:14 PM

Ch. 26: To Dream or To Portend

Oh, Bardess! In no way did I mean to push--it's the thoughtfulness of your comments that I love. Working on finishing up next chapter right now.

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Crowdaughter - 07 Oct 07 - 3:41 AM

Ch. 26: To Dream or To Portend

'Annoying brat. She teases the twins non-stop. If I were one of them, I would want to pull her hair out too.'"

"That sounds like me and my brothers. I was smaller, a girl, and aggravating, but they were always scolded for hurting me," Lothíriel said giggling.

"You take Fëanor's side in this ancient dispute then?" Galadriel asked with threatening growl in her elegant voice.

"Not if you can tell me, my Lady, that you were a sweet, placid child."

ROTFLMAO I love this whole exchange, and the idea that ancient Galadriel and young Lothiriel discuss... er... elven *curves*. Laugh out loud

Lovely chapter! I am going to finecomb-read the whole story now, I think...

Consider me well and truly hooked. Smile

Aislynn

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Bardess - 07 May 07 - 2:16 PM

Ch. 27: The Letter

The Yeats was very fitting.  I'm glad you thought of using it.  Unfinished .... hmm, the story is unfinished, the love affair is unfinished and you have clever drawn the discerning reader into wanting toknow what will happen next.

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telpethoniel - 14 Jun 07 - 9:22 PM

Ch. 28: Rohirrim Return

I love how this isn't a typical romance...there are soo many more layers & it gives us the unexpected. I thought Eomer would turn her down flat...though it looks to be a rocky road back yet

*gives 2 thumbs up*

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oshun - 15 Jun 07 - 8:25 AM

Ch. 28: Rohirrim Return

Telpethoniel, thanks so much—this story does go on and on! I'm overdue for the next chapter which will deal with part of the rocky road and also show that Éomer is fallible as well (although certainly wiser than his betrothed). It's fun but a bit complicated to write because it deals with funeral games/tournament (weapons, technical stuff--hard work for me!) held in honor of Théoden.  

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mistry89 - 06 Oct 07 - 3:57 AM

Ch. 29: Funeral Games in Minas Tirith

I do like clueless-Eowyn blundering where diplomats fear to tread!

The chapter ending was ominous - eagerly awaiting the update :)

Thank you.

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Crowdaughter - 06 Oct 07 - 10:42 AM

Ch. 29: Funeral Games in Minas Tirith

Hi, Oshun!

I haven't read much of this story sio far, and now, reading this chapter, I am asking myself why I was such a fool not to read more of it much sooner! What a delightful picture you draw here of the tournament and the Elves there, and what a great view at the interactions of the characters. I like!

Now I am eagerly waiting for the next one. Smile

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oshun - 06 Oct 07 - 5:57 PM

Ch. 29: Funeral Games in Minas Tirith

Mystry, so glad you enjoyed it--I do like Eowyn in this story too. (Although I actually like all of the characters or I would not have chosen to write them--but my favorites so far, for different reasons, are Eowyn (the most direct), Eomer (decent), Faramir (the smartest) and Elladan (the darkest and most sexy).) Hope you can stick with it. I know it is long, but the end is in sight (plotted to the end and several chapters already written, although, alas, not the next one!).

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oshun - 06 Oct 07 - 6:03 PM

Ch. 29: Funeral Games in Minas Tirith

Crowdaughter, I am so pleased you like it. It holds a special place in my heart as my first real novel. It was started in response to a challenge from a friend to write about Men. As you can see, the elves won't stay in the background. So much for meeting that challenge. Just a teaser especially for you, cause I know you like him, Legolas plays a big part in future chapters--big double chapter already written that is all about him.

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Bardess - 09 Oct 07 - 2:09 PM

Ch. 29: Funeral Games in Minas Tirith

Nice to see this story up and running again.  The couples are developing familiar, if not always comfortable, relationships.  Aragorn and Arwen bicker about him having had too much to drink. How funny.   Eomer and Lothiriel are spatting like a married couple.  Of course Eomer is going to be possesive and jealous. 1. He's in love 2. A king has every right to expect that his children really will be of his blood.  That's the way paternalistic laws of inheiritance work.

Eowyn is a hoot.  She is forthright to the point of being brutally honest.  A hearty guffaw for 'Every elf and man below is looking over the ladies in the stand like they are thinking of buying one.'  and a big laugh for her comment about Lothiriel and Elladan putting so much energy into choosing not to get along.

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telpethoniel - 05 Dec 07 - 9:29 PM

Ch. 29: Funeral Games in Minas Tirith

awww!  I'm back after over a year and still following...I waaannt another chapter lol *taps foot impatiently*

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telpethoniel - 05 Dec 07 - 9:32 PM

Ch. 29: Funeral Games in Minas Tirith

begs like Lothiriel after a week away from men LOL!!!

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oshun - 05 Dec 07 - 9:47 PM

Ch. 29: Funeral Games in Minas Tirith

For shame, Telepethoniel. You'll give the girl a bad name. Ha! Updates have been slow, but have not been forgotten. I have a great deal more of the novel already drafted, just not the next chapter yet. I promise to deliver.

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mistry89 - 14 Sep 08 - 12:28 AM

Ch. 29: Funeral Games in Minas Tirith

There's goes discretion, diplomacy and "playing nice" out the window!

Thank you :0

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SheWhoWeeps - 03 Sep 08 - 8:55 PM

Ch. 30: The Tournament Continues

loooooooving it! 

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oshun - 04 Sep 08 - 11:17 AM

Ch. 30: The Tournament Continues

<i> loooooooving it! </i>

Thanks, SheWhoWeeps. So happy you enjoyed the new chapter. (And apologies to everyone else for holding it back so long--really do intend to update faster in the future.)

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Ailiniel - 12 Jun 11 - 7:51 PM

Ch. 31: Archery and Eating Dirt

That I would see the Triangle and the highest Elf-lords remaining in Middle-Earth acting as a comic releief is much more than I dared dreamming of!Bravo!

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curiouswombat - 06 Jun 12 - 4:34 AM

Ch. 32: Bloodied But Unbowed

What a treat to find a new chapter - an excuse to go back and re-read to remind me of the story so far!

And how interesting to see them trying to resolve the situation with the least harm to hearts as possible.

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oshun - 06 Jun 12 - 9:13 AM

Ch. 32: Bloodied But Unbowed

Thank you so much, Curiouswombat, for reading and commenting. I did not know if anyone would actually remember this story. I am going to try to pick up the speed of posting on this.

I am not sure I adequately foreshadowed what is coming up next (the hand-wringing is not over in other words). I don't think I really needed to spell everything out; it means that what's coming will be a surprise as the plot continues to unfold.

Thank you again so much! Seeing a comment meant the world to me.

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Bardess - 04 Feb 06 - 4:01 PM

Ch. 35: Author's Notes

Charming premise with great romantic potential.  But  I have some points of confusion. . . Eomer may know who Lothiriel is, but how is it that he could speak an Elvish language given his suspicions and general lack of knowledge about the Elves very near the borders of Rohan?   Most of the women and children have left Minas Tirith, yet Lothiriel has just arrived?  Hmmmm,  this is a tale that will be richer for the telling.

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telpethoniel - 10 Apr 06 - 3:18 AM

Ch. 35: Author's Notes

this story is exquisite! I get that nagging feeling when I know I'm gonna be reading it soon, like I want it to come sooner :D

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Greywing - 29 Oct 06 - 9:24 AM

Ch. 35: Author's Notes

Hello oshun!

Turns out that I have indeed read this before, but I enjoyed reading it again! I like your characters: they are multifaceted, reflecting the true complexity of the human psyche. Cheers!

Greywing

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oshun - 10 Apr 06 - 7:52 AM

Ch. 36: The Characters

Telpethoniel--thanks for the review. I am so happy you're enjoying the story. A new chapter will be up by the weekend or before.

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SheWhoWeeps - 24 Feb 08 - 1:29 PM

Ch. 36: The Characters

Amazing! Can't wait for updates... <3

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oshun - 24 Feb 08 - 1:36 PM

Ch. 36: The Characters

Thanks for reading and commenting, SheWhoWeeps. I actually have been working on the next chapter over the last couple of days (after a bit of a break). Getting a new comment when it has been a while since I last updated will probably give me renewed impetus to finish the chapter quickly.

Thank you again!

Oshun

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Ems - 24 Dec 08 - 9:42 PM

Ch. 36: The Characters

I haven't been able to stop reading this for three days! You have an absolutely fascinating take on the politics of Gondor and Rohan, not to mention the elves and half-elves. You have given depth and character to Lothiriel-- she is easy to identify with and watching her grow up is amazing! Your work also reflects much in depth research. It is truly impressive!

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oshun - 26 Dec 08 - 8:12 PM

Ch. 36: The Characters

Thanks, Ems! So glad you are enjoying it. I really should get the next chapter done soon. After that, I have some things written ahead so should be posting more frequently after this chapter. Thank you again for reading and letting me you are enjoying it!

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